Dear Diary
by theyHAUNTme
Summary: After stumbling upon an old diary, Sara's past becomes an open book. GSR
1. Prologue

**Dear Diary:**

Prologue

**Disclaimer:** I do not own CSI.

**Spoilers:** Anything aired in the US is fair game.

**Summary:** Whilst cleaning, Sara and Grissom stumble upon Sara's old diary. Her past then becomes an open book. GSR

**A/N:** This story may sound similar to katyrye's story _Sara's Diary_, but believe me, it's a complete coincidence that our stories have similar topics. We both are writing completely different things though.

**A/N 2:** This was beta'd by me, myself, and I. Enjoy!

* * *

"Honey, can you help me with these boxes?" Sara asked, struggling to take down a large box from a high shelf in the closet.

Grissom quickly came to her aid. He slid his hands around the box, and gently set it on the ground. Sara thanked him with a kiss before questioningly looking at the box. For the life of her, she could not remember where the box had come from, even though it had her name scrawled across it. Grissom came up behind his wife and snaked his arms around her waist. He rested his jaw on her shoulder, and asked, "What's in there? I've never seen it before."

Sara furrowed her brows as she racked her brain. Coming up with nothing, she responded, "I honestly have no idea. I can't remember what I put in there."

She opened the lid, and a big cloud of dust blew into their faces. Sara's eyes involuntarily began to water, and she coughed. She waved her hand in front of her face to rid the air of the offending substance. Grissom crinkled his nose before sneezing. Bruno lay beside them, seemingly unaffected by the dust cloud. When the air was finally clear again, Sara reached into the box. She pulled out a soft but dust-covered and tattered teddy bear she had received as a small child. A shadow of a faint smile formed on her lips as she remembered back all those years ago to when she wouldn't go to sleep without it. She laid the worn stuffed animal to the side. She then pulled out a lot of books she had read as a teen. She gently set the mountainous pile of books to the side. She then pulled out a hand-made quilt a relative had given to her when she was an infant. As she continued pulling more and more possessions out of the box, her husband asked, "What was all of this stuff from?"

"My childhood," she answered quietly. "I had forgotten I had all of these things. When you're in foster care, there is only so much you can take with you from house to house. I packed my whole life into this box; any clothes I needed, books I desired, toys I had...EVERYTHING went in here."

Sara then pulled out another object from within the depths of the box. It was a thick, leather-bound book that was extremely worn. The spine of the book was nearly coming off from being opened and closed so much. There were papers sticking randomly out of the book. Sara's jaw dropped as she gazed down at the book in shock. She held it as if it were a venomous snake, ready to strike.

"Sara, are you okay?"

She nodded, still looking absently at the book. She swallowed and whispered, "I forgot I had a diary."

* * *

**A/N 3:** Hope you liked it so far. The next chapter will start the excerpts from her diary. Let me know what you thought! I know this was short...chapters will be longer from here on out, I promise.


	2. Chapter 1

**Dear Diary:**

Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I do not own CSI.

**Spoilers:** Anything aired in the US is fair game.

**Summary:** Whilst cleaning, Sara and Grissom stumble upon Sara's old diary. Her past then becomes an open book. GSR

**A/N:** This story may sound similar to **katyrye**'s story _Sara's Diary_, but believe me, it's a complete coincidence that our stories have similar topics. We both are writing completely different things though.

**A/N 2:** This was beta'd by me, myself, and I. Enjoy!

* * *

Grissom gazed from the diary to his wife. He pictured a child with curly brown hair and bright brown eyes sitting on a bed, writing events from the day into the diary. The golden letters that read "My Diary" on the front were fading. Sara absently ran her fingers across the cover of the diary. She opened the cover and the very first page read 'This diary belongs to _Sara Sidle_. Received on _December 25, 1982_.' Her name and the date were penned in, obviously by a child, for the handwriting was barely legible.

"I was 11 when my mother got this for me," Sara said softly. "I was in the 5th grade."

Grissom listened as Sara went on to say, "I had practically been begging for a diary. My mom finally gave in and got me one for Christmas; I would try to write in it every day, but sometimes couldn't. This was the best gift I had ever received. She told me that every time I ran out of pages, she'd get me a new diary."

Sara reached into the box, once again, and pulled out two more diaries. She held one of them up and said, "I had to buy this second one when I was 13...she couldn't buy me any new diaries because she was in jail for my father's murder. I bought the third one for myself when I was 16. After I filled it, I hadn't bothered to buy a new one. I can't even remember what I wrote in some entries. But I saved a lot of newspaper clippings that mentioned me, family members, friends, or somebody I knew. Some people collect coins...I collected newspaper articles. Stupid, huh?"

Grissom quickly shook his head and furrowed his brow. He held her even tighter to him as he asked, "Now, why would that be stupid? Hell, I'd be proud if somebody I knew made the papers. It's _not_ stupid, sweetheart."

Sara smiled in thanks. She then asked him if he wanted to sit down with her to look through what she had written. Grissom agreed and the couple walked to the living room and plopped down on the couch. Bruno curled up at their feet loyally before beginning to doze off. Sara scratched his ears gently with her pink-painted toes. She smiled as Bruno's tail thumped against the floor. She sighed as she opened the diary to the first page.

"Sara, if there's something you don't want me to see or hear, tell me and I promise I won't look," Grissom said. "You can stop reading whenever you want to."

Sara smiled at him before glancing down at the chicken scratch on the page.

**December 25, 1982**

Dear Diary,

I guess I should introduce myself...you and I are going to become quite friendly. I'm Sara Sidle, and I am an 11 year old girl. My birthday is September 16, 1971. It's Christmas evening, and I'm so excited to have a diary. I'd been pleading with my mother to get me a diary for months...she finally did for Christmas! I've always loved Christmas – or any holiday for that matter. It's the only time my parents don't argue and my father doesn't hurt my mom, brother, or me.

My 16 year old brother Josh woke me up this morning. He told me that there was a big pile of Christmas presents for the two of us this year. We usually only get maybe 4 gifts each...this year we both got 7! I rushed downstairs, still in my pajamas and my mother was in the kitchen, making coffee. She gave me a hug and wished me a Merry Christmas before telling us we could begin opening our gifts.

I got this diary, a pile of books, new clothes, a new pair of shoes (my old ones looked like Swiss cheese), a gift certificate to the local seafood restaurant, a photo album (with some pictures in it already), and 25 dollars. My brother got sort of the same things.

This was the best Christmas ever!

**December 26, 1982**

Dear Diary,

I never did like Christmas vacation. Daddy always makes me and my brother do so many chores in a pathetic amount of time. It's mainly me who does the chores, though, because Josh is usually out driving somewhere or working at his own job. I get a beating if it's not completed in time. Seriously, he wants a whole counter-full of dishes to be washed, dried, and put away in less than ten minutes. And he wants me to cook him dinner instantaneously...next time I should just serve it to him raw! If I'm lucky, he'll get food poisoning.

**December 31, 1982**

Dear Diary,

It is with sincere apology for not writing to you in awhile. Things have been hectic here at home. My relatives came over for a few days and I've been busy entertaining them and keeping up with the house...I haven't even started on the school work assigned over Christmas break.

Tomorrow starts the New Year. I hope 1983 is better than 1982.

**January 1, 1983**

Dear Diary,

Well, 1983 is already starting off shitty. Dad decided that several bottles of whiskey, scotch, and beer would be a PERFECT way to kick off the New Year. Yeah right! For him it may have been fun, but it sure as hell wasn't for me. He sat in the living room and drank until he could barely walk. I had been doing the list of chores he gave me. He seemed to think it would be "fun" to chase me around the house, whipping me with his belt.

I luckily managed to escape into my room without too many whips. He got me with the belt buckle on all spots that can be covered up with my clothes, thank God, but I'll be a little sore tomorrow.

**January 3, 1983**

Dear Diary,

I got grounded. At recess yesterday, this wimpy little unpopular boy in my grade, Steven, was getting picked on by a huge boy, Zach, who's also in our grade. I watched for a little bit, an intervened as soon as Steven hit the ground. I got up in Zach's face, telling him to knock it off. He told me to leave the two of them alone...that I was a girl and couldn't do anything.

Well THAT pissed me off! I started screaming at him, and he shoved me backwards. The nerve of him...hasn't he ever been told not to hit a girl (although it didn't hurt)? So, in self-defense, I pushed him back. I can't remember what was said, but all I remember is shoving him to the ground. I pushed his head into the dirt, forced his mouth open, and made him eat dirt. Of course, by this time the principal had rushed out and was trying to break it up, while the rest of the school was surrounding us and encouraging us.

To make a long story short, several teachers pulled us apart. I left with a couple scrapes and bruises (nothing new), Steven left with a busted lip, and Zach left with a split lip, black eye, bloody nose, and a scraped-up face. He deserved it! But yet I'M the one who gets detention! It wasn't my fault...it was self-defense. And Steven should've fought back.

**January 4, 1983**

Dear Diary,

Detention sucks. You sit there and work on school work. If you have none, you write lines. Since I had nothing to do, I wrote _I will not get into a fight ever again_ for the whole hour. Better yet, Dad is punishing me by beating me. Mom was disappointed, but I explained to her that Steven wasn't fighting back...she then understood and was glad I didn't just stand around and watch.

**January 7, 1983**

Sorry for not writing in awhile. I'm also going to leave out the 'Dear Diary' part, because it's a waste of a couple lines...I want to save paper. I'm trying to balance school crap and home crap at the same time. However, today I got some exciting news. My Science teacher, Mr. Luttrell, told me and Steven that he thinks we could have a pretty good chance at competing in the Middle School Science Fair, even though we're only in the 5th grade. He asked if we would both be willing to work together and compete in it...we both agreed. I don't give a rat's ass about what Dad says, I'm going to compete, like it or not.

That's how I've been spending the remainder of my detentions, thinking of the project. Steven and I are going to be testing the speed at which horses can run 200 yards. Since his family owns a ranch, it'll be easy to use their horses as test subjects. We're going to have a lot of variables, such as how much training, how much food and water, how much we care for it, etc. I can't wait!

**January 9, 1983**

The Science Fair is February 20th...so we have a little over a month to complete the project. Mom is very proud of me...I haven't dared to tell Dad about it yet, but Mom said that she'd work everything out.

**January 10, 1983**

I went over to Steven's house after school. We took a look at the horses and started with our experiment. They've got 10 horses, but we only need 6 for our project. We're going to give Horse 1 a lot of food and train with it. We're going to give Horse 2 the recommended amount of food and train with it. We're giving Horse 3 a lot of food and not train with it. We're giving Horse 4 the recommended amount of food, and not train with it. Horse 5 will be given a little bit of food and we'll train with it. Horse 6 will be given a little bit of food, and we won't train it.

I asked Steven if this would sicken the horse, but he assured me that the horses will be fine. His parents also reassured me that the horses will be okay. Thank God, because I don't want to put any animal in danger just for a school project.

Other than the fact that he's a wimp, Steven's a nice kid. He keeps to himself, does his school work, gets straight A's, and doesn't get into trouble...like me.

--

Sara yawned before flipping to the next page. Grissom looked at her and saw the bags beneath her eyes. All throughout reading the diary, he had seen her either brush away the tears or blink them away. This was enough for one day. He gently covered her hand with his and said, "Honey, lets get to bed. You're tired...we can continue tomorrow if you'd like."

Sara nodded and followed him to their bedroom. All night, she kept on dreaming of that Science fair that happened 25 years ago, and of Steven.

* * *

**A/N 3:** Hope you enjoyed this. The character of Steven really does exist...he's my best friend in the whole world. Please review!


	3. Chapter 2

**Dear Diary:**

Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** I do not own CSI.

**Spoilers:** Anything aired in the US is fair game.

**Summary:** Whilst cleaning, Sara and Grissom stumble upon Sara's old diary. Her past then becomes an open book. GSR

**A/N:** This story may sound similar to katyrye's story _Sara's Diary_, but believe me, it's a complete coincidence that our stories have similar topics. We both are writing completely different things though.

**A/N 2:** This was beta'd by me, myself, and I. Enjoy! I also made some corrections/changes to the previous chapter. It's nothing major, but it you'd like to check them out, go ahead.

* * *

Sara awoke to the scent of pancakes the next morning. She opened her eyes and blinked until the blurry room became crystal clear. She yawned as she sat up in the king-sized bed. The place beside her where her husband usually slept was vacant. She could tell he had been gone awhile, for the sheets were cold to the touch. After climbing out of bed, Sara stretched in an attempt to wake herself up. She then made her way to the kitchen, where Grissom was preparing her breakfast. She snuck up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist. She laid her cheek on his shoulder, and kissed his neck softly.

"Good morning sweetheart," he said with a smile, turning so he could face her.

Even though her hair was tousled from sleep, he thought she was the most gorgeous woman alive. He kissed her tenderly on the lips as he enveloped her into a hug.

"I love you," he whispered into her ear.

Sara smiled before repeating his actions. He turned away from her so he wouldn't burn their breakfast. She watched him flip the pancakes expertly before turning on the coffee maker. She then started helping him make eggs to go with their pancakes. Everything was complete, and Grissom stacked pancakes and eggs onto two plates while Sara poured two cups of coffee, adding just the right amount of cream and sugar to his and hers. They then went into the living room, where her old diary was lying open on the sofa. She sat down on the edge of the couch and moved the diary so she could sit back. She propped her feet up and they silently ate their breakfast.

Once they were done, Grissom put their dirty dishes in the dishwasher before sitting back down next to his wife. He wrapped his arm around her waist, and she spooned against his side. She found the correct diary entry and continued reading.

**January 13, 1983**

Because of the Science Fair, I go over to Steven's house every day after school. Dad is NOT happy about it. Mom finally told him that I was competing in the Science Fair, and he beat the living shit out of me. He forbade me to go over to his house after school, and he now is refusing to feed me as a punishment, but Mom sneaks me food here and there.

At school today, Steven asked if I could come over. Do you know what I said? I said yes. We continued with our testing, and I didn't get home until around eight o'clock. I snuck in, but Dad still heard me. Let's just say it's going to be extremely painful to sit tomorrow.

**January 15, 1983**

Josh is never around the house. Maybe if he were, I wouldn't have to do all of the chores around here! He took his car and just left. He promised me he'd never leave me here on my own with them! He's a lying bastard! But, before he left, he said he'd be back. After all, he's only 16...he can't last out there in the world all on his own. I just want him to come back so I'm not the only one bearing the brunt of Dad's fury.

**January 19, 1983**

Josh is home. But I don't care anymore...I've become accustom to doing the chores on my own. I swear he's high on something though; he always is sniffing, his eyes are red and watery, he stutters a lot more than he used to, he's got more of a temper, and he keeps to himself a lot. I confronted Mom about it, but she just shrugged it off...I don't think she can bear to know her little boy is doing drugs. I can't prove he's on anything yet, but I will.

**January 20, 1983**

I went over to Steven's house again after school to work on the Science Fair project. We've just begun to time the horses. I can't remember what the exact time for each horse was (we agreed to keep all of the papers pertaining to the project at his house; Lord only knows what my father might do if he gets his hands on our project). But, the horse that we fed properly and trained with had the best time. Between now and the Science Fair, we're going to time the horses 6 more times for a total of 7 trials.

Steven is also giving me horseback riding lessons! It is so much fun! I think Steven is my only true friend...I wonder if I'm his.

**January 21, 1983**

Steven and I got finished taking care of the horses quicker than normal today; that's probably because I'm getting the hang of caring for horses and am more of a help than I was before. So, Steven showed me around his parents' farm/ranch thing. It is HUGE! They've got a lot of sheep, a few pigs, cows, chickens, a few roosters, some ducks, and of course the horses. Plus, they've got two purebred sheepdogs, a male and a female, named Spark and Sky. Not only are the two dogs used to help Steven's father, they're used for breeding. Sky just gave birth to a litter of 6 pups two days ago. Steven showed me Sky and the pups...they are adorable! And Sky and Spark are extremely well-groomed; they're beautiful.

**January 25, 1983**

The project is going extremely well; better than we had at first anticipated. The two of us are becoming extremely fast at the feedings, grooming, riding, and the all around general care. We finished each night at around 6-ish o'clock, compared to when we used to get dome at around 8 o'clock when we first started this experiment. Even though Dad beats me almost ever night because I can't come straight home, the project is totally worth it!

**January 27, 1983**

I told Steven about my family. I had no choice! He had accidentally seen the bruises, scars, and fresh cuts that peppered my torso and arms while I was changing my shirt. It was my fault, really. I hadn't told him I was changing. Once the initial shock and embarrassment wore off, naturally, he asked me what happened. Of course, I had made up some bullshit lie, and he instantly knew I was making something up. He asked for the truth, saying he wanted to help. So I told him. I begged him not to tell a single soul, and he promised me that my secret was safe with him. I even saw the honesty in his eyes, so I sure hope I can trust him.

**January 31, 1983**

I finally proved it! I finally proved that my brother was taking drugs! He was off doing God knows what with God know who when I snuck into his room, pretending to "clean". I searched EVERYWHERE until I found this small plastic baggie. It looked like dirt to me, but I knew it was marijuana. I continued searching and found another baggie filled with pills. I searched for over an hour and came up with six bags of pills, a bag of cocaine, heroine, and that bag of marijuana. I went to my mom with the drugs and told her where I found them...my heart broke at the hurt in her eyes. She tried to hide the tears and disappointment in her eyes as she thanked me and dismissed me. Josh had hell to pay when he got home. Mom was screaming at him for over half an hour, and he screamed right back. She told him he was grounded. When he asked for how long, she told him until she said he was un-grounded.

**February 2, 1983**

Josh hasn't spoken to me since I busted him for those drugs. I told him to be thankful that I found them instead of Dad. Mom won't let him drive around as much, no phone, no friends, and more chores. Josh is pissed, but it's for his own good.

**February 5, 1983**

Steven and I are still working hard on our project. We've started putting together the presentation. We bought a large board so we can glue our results to it. We've constructed a graph, showing which horse is which by using different colors, and if their speed improved, stayed the same, or decreased with each test. It's really quite amazing. Our Science teacher thinks we're doing excellent work, for being a several years younger than the kids we're competing with.

**February 7, 1983**

13 more days until the Science Fair! I'm kind of nervous. I've never had good social skills...hopefully Steven has some. I think it will be okay, though, because Steven will be there helping me through it.

**February 8, 1983**

Dad left the house for some reason. He mumbled that he needed to get away from everything...not like I give a damn; I just don't want to get my hopes up that he's gone for good. I think he left because he got fired, once again, from another job.

**February 11, 1983**

Dad came back last night, drunk as hell, and furious. Since I'm there, he takes his rage out on me. The only noticeable injury is a huge purple, black, and blue bruise he gave to my eye, which also is spreading down towards my cheek. People asked what happened, and I forced a smile and told them I had a softball game and a line-drive was hit right to me, and it hit my eye. They believed me! Steven didn't though...when we were at his house doing our experiment, he asked me what really had happened (because he knew I played no sports whatsoever) and I told him about what happened last night. He seemed genuinely concerned, and gave me an icepack for my eye. He asked why I didn't just call the police...I told him because my father would kill me if I ever did.

--

Sara sniffled as she wiped away her tears, attempting to hide them from her husband. He obviously saw them, and held her tightly. He used his thumb to wipe them away, and he kissed her temple lovingly. She swallowed and set the diary down, saying, "I think that's enough for today."

Grissom nodded in agreement. He held onto her and rocked her gently. They stayed that way on the couch until they needed to get ready for work.

* * *

**A/N 3:** Hope you liked this chapter! My excuse for the delay is that I was in the emergency room for most of the weekend. So anyways, please review to tell me what you thought!


	4. Chapter 3

**Dear Diary:**

Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** I do not own CSI.

**Spoilers:** Anything aired in the US is fair game.

**Summary:** Whilst cleaning, Sara and Grissom stumble upon Sara's old diary. Her past then becomes an open book. GSR

**A/N:** This story may sound similar to katyrye's story _Sara's Diary_, but believe me, it's a complete coincidence that our stories have similar topics. We both are writing completely different things though.

**A/N 2:** This was beta'd by me, myself, and I. Enjoy!

* * *

Despite the fact that she had said she had had enough for the day, curiosity got the better of Sara. Several hours later, she found herself drawn to the diary by some invisible force. She sighed as she sat down next to her husband, cradled in his arms, and opened the book again.

**February 13, 1983**

The Science Fair is in a week! I'm so excited! We only have one more test run to do, which is scheduled for tomorrow. After that, we'll have all of the information we need. Then we can write up the data, graph everything, write reports, and design the poster. Then we'll have to practice what we're going to say during the presentation. I'm so nervous.

**February 14, 1983**

Today is Valentine's Day...not that I really care. I'm not into that mushy-gushy romance stuff. However, Steven did get me a box of chocolates! I thought it was so cute, but he didn't have to do that. But he told me he wanted to...that I deserved them. That was the sweetest thing a guy has ever done for me!

**February 16, 1983**

Steven and I are working very hard to perfect this project, and I think we have it in the bag! The presentation board looks amazing, and we both know exactly what we're going to say. I just hope I don't screw up and blow this for Steven.

**February 19, 1983**

Sorry for skipping a couple days...I've been busy. Tomorrow is the Science Fair!! I'm nervous, I hope everything goes well!

**February 20, 1983**

The Science Fair was AMAZING! Steven and I were both great! The judges seemed impressed with our experiment and that we were both in the 5th grade. Neither of us screwed up, and we had the best-looking poster, in my opinion. It took them forever to judge...but we won! We got first prize! It was so exciting! Our Science teacher, Mr. Luttrell, gave us both 5 point of extra credit for entering the Science Fair, and 10 extra credit points for winning...not that we needed the extra points or anything.

Mom was so proud of us! She gave me a ten dollar congratulatory gift. Dad, on the other hand, didn't give a shit. He just ignored me and scowled.

**February 22, 1983**

We got some really bad news today...Josh impregnated his girlfriend, Jenna. Dad was PISSED! He beat him to a bloody pulp...no wonder my brother just took off and left. I have no idea where he's going, but he said he was going to raise his family. He's not ready to be a father! Jesus, he just turned 17, and Jenna is turning 17 in two months.

Mom couldn't believe Josh and Jenna would do something that irresponsibly stupid! Jenna's parents were furious, but they didn't beat her. Since Jenna skipped a grade and will be graduating at the end of this year, she'll probably look for a job and attempt to support the baby till Josh gets a job...but I think she should go to college. She likes me, so maybe I'll kick some sense into her.

**February 27, 1983**

Sorry for not writing in awhile. Well, while I was at Steven's house, there was a dog fight. Two pit bulls, a Labrador, and a Boxer came running into the ranch whilst Steven and I were playing with Spark, Sky, and Sky's litter of 6 pups. The four intruders were barking like crazy, and I'm assuming they were hungry because they went straight to Sky's and Spark's food bowls. Naturally that food wasn't enough, so they went after the puppies, and Steven and me.

Spark and Sky intervened and it was nasty. Two against four, now that doesn't see quite fair, but they did fairly well. All six dogs were on their back legs, thrashing, biting, growling, and lashing out at one another. Steven and I were getting the puppies to safety; meanwhile Steven's parents came out onto the property, attempting to break up the fight. They called Animal Control, which is only a ten-minute walk from their ranch, so they were there quickly.

They broke up the fight, but all of the dogs were pretty banged up. Spark and Sky were shredded, and had God knows whatever other injuries. Animal Control is trying to find the owners of the dogs, but I think they were strays...hopefully they didn't have rabies.

**March 2, 1983**

Well, Animal Control is putting out alerts for the stray dogs. If no one claims them, they'll probably be put to sleep, because they are very vicious. I feel bad for the dogs, but yet they did rip Steven's dogs to shreds and were going after us as well.

**March 5, 1983**

Steven's been very busy helping his father take care of the animals on their ranch since their two Sheepdogs are severely injured. I help out whenever I can, but I've got my own chores to complete as well.

We still haven't heard from Josh or his girlfriend. I've been calling, but they haven't replied. I'm gonna try and meet up with Jenna after school...the High School is only a couple miles away from the Elementary School, plus we get out of school a half hour earlier than they do.

**March 10, 1983**

I caught up with Jenna after school yesterday. I asked her what the hell she was thinking, and she broke down crying. She told me it was all and accident, and that she wasn't ready to be a parent. Josh had dropped out of school and was looking everywhere for a job. After school, she'd try and get into a college, have the baby, major in Psychology, and raise their baby. I told her that the first few years would be hell, and she already knew that. I then told her that she didn't have to be alone...her parents didn't kick her out, she left on her own choice. She can return whenever she wants to.

**March 13, 1983**

Steven and I are working on selling the puppies. Since Sky and Spark are both purebred and have won several dog competitions, we're getting a lot for the pups. We've sold three of them to a pet store, and we're selling the other three to neighbors. Sky seemed a little sad that she had to let her pups go, but Steven said she'll perk up by tomorrow; this was the second litter she had to part with.

**March 14, 1983**

Steven was right...Sky was back to her normal self today. She and Spark are still recovering, but are now starting to work their way back into the fields with Steven's parents. Their dogs are so cute...they even offered me a pup for free, but I lied and told them that my father was severely allergic to dogs, and we had a couple cats who didn't get along well with any canines, but thanked them for the offer. The truth was that I didn't want anything to happen to a puppy in our house.

When I get older, I want a Sheepdog puppy for company...they're very loyal dogs.

**March 17, 1983**

Happy Saint Patrick's Day! I'm not even sure what this holiday is for, but since it's on the calendar, it must be important.

**March 20, 1983**

I can't believe I got a C on my History test! Not like it's the end of the world (I've still got an A in the class) but a C! I've never gotten anything lower than an 84 percent. I got the test back and I had received a 76 percent...a new record.

**March 30, 1983**

Sorry for not writing in awhile, but it's now very hard to write. My Dad took the liberty to shatter my whole right arm...I can't even remember what happened. Dad was mad, he was throwing me around the room...and I can't remember anything else. I woke up in the hospital a day later. They said they needed to perform surgery on my arm (that was performed two days ago) and they wrapped my arm until then.

I swear, my father is going to be the death of me!

**April 2, 1983**

I've got a hard cast covering my arm. Nobody used to notice me, but now everyone is asking me what happened. I told them I was playing football with my family and was sprinting back for a pass and crashed into a wall...I hope that's believable. But everyone wants to sign my cast...not sure why, though. I don't even know them, why would I want to look at their name every day?

**April 5, 1983**

Dad got a job...I wonder how long it'll last. I'll give it a month. He'll show up late, show up drunk, do a half-assed job, or lose his temper at work.

**April 7, 1983**

Today is Jenna's birthday...not that it really matters. She and Josh are still living out on their own, and doing surprisingly well. Josh got a job at a fancy restaurant...it doesn't pay very well, but they're getting by. I went to go visit them the other day, and Jenna is just BARELY beginning to show. She's nearly four months along. They seem excited, but I have no idea how they're gonna provide for a baby in a couple of months.

**April 10, 1983**

Do you know how hard it is to do dishes with one arm? Very! I can't get my cast wet, so my right arm is inoperable. Mom attempted to help, but then Dad beat her for trying to help. The amount of dishes that normally took me 20 minutes took me over and hour! This sucks!

**April 12, 1983**

I am so getting busted if I get caught. I hope this entry makes some sort of sense. Steven and I were chillin' out at his place and I asked how people could get addicted to alcohol...I tried a sip of Dad's beer once; it was disgusting! So, we both got a six pack each starting drinking until it tasted better. I think we both polished off six bottles.

**April 13, 1983**

Holy shit what a headache! My head is throbbing...I've taken several aspirin but nothing is working! We were both so wasted last night! I've popped like twenty pieces of minty chewing gum so Mom won't find out I'd been drinking.

--

Grissom smirked at this, while Sara's cheeks flushed with embarrassment. He hugged her and shook his head at her immature thoughtlessness. He kissed her cheek and asked, "What on Earth were you thinking, Sara? You were eleven...you shouldn't be drinking!"

"Now you know where the problem started," Sara said quietly.

Grissom looked at her in shock. He shook his head vigorously and said, "No, no, no, honey, you don't have a drinking problem, no! You had just made a mistake that night, but you've learned from it and you haven't been drinking and driving anymore! Sweetheart, you _don't_ have a drinking problem."

Sara smiled at him, feeling reassured. They looked at the clock and realized they had to go to work. Sara set the diary down and they both set off to catch criminals.

* * *

**A/N 3:** Hope you liked it, sorry for the delay. But I figured I'd better post this before I get my surgery done tomorrow. Thanks for the reviews I've received so far!


	5. Chapter 4

**Dear Diary:**

Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:** I do not own CSI.

**Spoilers:** Anything aired in the US is fair game.

**Summary:** Whilst cleaning, Sara and Grissom stumble upon Sara's old diary. Her past then becomes an open book. GSR

**A/N:** This story may sound similar to katyrye's story _Sara's Diary_, but believe me, it's a complete coincidence that our stories have similar topics. We both are writing completely different things though.

**A/N 2:** This was beta'd by me, myself, and I. Enjoy!

* * *

Their shift at work flew by. They were all wrapped up in catching a serial rapist that they didn't notice shift was over. Grissom saw Sara pouring over the evidence, but nothing was there. He stood next to her and whispered, "Honey, there's nothing else. Come on, we'll work on it tonight. Let's go home."

He gently placed his hand on the small of her back as they exited the lab. Sara was silent the whole ride home. She was always affected by these types of cases, and he knew that. He looked at her with concern. He slowly placed his hand on hers and squeezed it. She squeezed back, but she never broke eye contact with the window. When they arrived home, they both crawled into bed. Grissom held Sara tightly to his chest as they fell asleep. As always, Sara's dreams were filled with her mother's screams, her father's figure, her father's dead body, and with her crying.

When she awoke, she was alone. The spot beside her was still warm, so Grissom hadn't been gone long. She got out of bed and heard the shower begin to run. She walked into the bathroom and stripped before joining him under the warm spray. He held her closely while the water hit the two of them. How long they stood there was unknown to the couple, but they were just enjoying each other's company. After awhile, they got out and dried off. They heated up some food that was in the refrigerator for breakfast. They sat down together on the couch, Hank curling up at their feet, and Sara took out her diary. She opened it to the page they stopped at and began to read aloud.

**April 15, 1983**

Luckily, Mom never found out about my little drinking binge. It would crush her to know that I had done that. She thinks I'm the perfect daughter and I want her to continue thinking that.

**April 19, 1983**

I really hate school. The stuff they teach is so boring and I know it already! Plus on a math test, I didn't show any of my work so now the teacher automatically thinks I cheated. I told her I did it in my head, but she told me that kids my age couldn't do those types of problems in their heads. So, she gave me an F on the test! I complained to Mom, and she just told me to show my work so I wouldn't flunk math.

**April 24, 1983**

I went to go see Josh and Jenna again. I try to make it a habit of seeing them regularly. They inquired about my arm, and of course I used the story I used at school. However, they both knew I was lying, and I told them about what Dad did. Jenna wants to help me and was going to call the police, but I told her that she couldn't. He'd kill me if somebody called the police.

**April 27, 1983**

I can't wait until I get this cast off. It's so itchy! I have to use a clothes hanger in order to scratch my arm! And my arm is starting to ache really badly. Mom told me that it was just because it was healing. I hope it's healing...the sooner it heals, the sooner I can get it off.

**May 2, 1983**

I hate being sick. I've had the stomach virus for the past few days. I can't stop throwing up...Mom said that I may need to be admitted to the emergency room because I can't keep anything down, and I'm getting dehydrated.

**May 5, 1983**

I did get admitted to the hospital two days ago. I was finally released. They gave me an IV and some medication to get rid of the virus. It's working because I don't feel as shitty.

**May 7, 1983**

I got my cast off today! Yippee! But now it hurts to move it and there's a bunch of dead skin covering my arm. It's still really itchy and whenever I scratch it, flakes of dead skin fall off. That's gross! Mom told me to use a lot of lotion and to scrub it really good when I take showers. And my right arm is smaller than my left...it's really weird! I'm supposed to start physical therapy to strengthen my arm, but Dad's refusing...he says we can't afford it. I hate him so much!

**May 10, 1983**

I went to visit my brother again. He told me what to do in order to strengthen my arm again. I even stayed for dinner...they're doing really well for a couple of High School kids. And they don't want to know what the gender of their baby is. Personally, I think it's a boy, but that's just me. They haven't picked out a name yet, so I've been lending my advice on a name. So far, they've narrowed it down to Anthony, Matthew, Logan, and Jacob for first names for a boy. For a girl, they've narrowed it down to Kaitlyn, Olivia, Madison, and Isabella. I really like the name Anthony or Logan for a boy and Olivia and Madison for a girl.

**May 13, 1983**

Jenna is five months along and is getting bigger every time I see her. I'm over at their house frequently. I'm telling Mom and Dad it's just so I can help them out, but I just go over so I can get away from the house. Jenna and Josh don't care that I'm there...they told me I'm welcome whenever. I also spend a lot of time with Steven and his family. His parents are so kind to me and are so loving towards him...I wish I had that kind of family.

**May 20, 1983**

I can't wait for school to get done. Maybe next year will be better...doubt it, but it's just my wishful thinking. I'm going to ask Mom if I can be tested to move up a grade. 5th grade just isn't challenging enough for me. I vowed to finish it out, but I don't want to deal with this crap next year. Steven agrees with me and said if I moved up, he'd try to move up as well.

**May 23, 1983**

I hate my father, I hate my father, I HATE MY FATHER!! Last night he snuck into my room drunk as hell, and raped me! I've taken so many showers but I can still feel his hands on my skin, his breath on my neck, everything. I'm at Josh's house at the moment. He told me to stay as long as I wanted. Jenna insisted to call the police, but I stopped her. I told her it wouldn't help...I already washed away all of the evidence and having the police come to our house would just make it worse. I'll eventually go home, but nothing will be the same. Bye-bye virginity.

**May 26, 1983**

Happy Memorial Day...I'm not even sure why we celebrate Memorial Day, but hey, it's a day off of school for me! Since I was off school and Dad went to work (I'm surprised he's still at the job) it was just me and Mom. We went to go and visit Jenna and Josh, we took a walk around town with the two, we went out to lunch with them, and hung around they place. Then Mom and I went home and began to prepare dinner for Dad. He gets mad if dinner isn't ready by the time he gets home at 6 o'clock.

**May 31, 1983**

The last day of school is drawing nearer! We only have three more days left! It's about time...I've suffered through boredom all year.

**June 3, 1983**

Tomorrow is the last day of school! After that, good-bye school for the summer.

**June 4, 1983**

SCHOOL'S OUT!!

**June 9, 1983**

I finally love my summer break! Dad's at work so he can't touch me until 6 o'clock! Mom's also looking for a job, which means I'll be home alone during the day! I'll be the luckiest kid alive!

**June 11, 1983**

Jenna's due date is September 8...that's close to my birthday! They're still persistent of not knowing what the baby's gender is until it's born. But by how she's carrying the child, I still say it's a boy. Mom agrees with me...she said that Jenna looks like she did when she was carrying Josh. But, maybe it'll be a girl...we'll know in 3 months.

**June 15, 1983**

I spent the day with Steven. We just hung around the town and enjoyed each others company. We understand each other and he's the only one I can have an intelligent, logical conversation with.

**June 19, 1983**

I missed my period! I should've had it last week...it's late! I can't be late...Dad couldn't have gotten me pregnant! Well, maybe it's just stress.

**June 21, 1983**

False alarm...thank God. I got my period, and I've never been so happy to get it!

**June 25, 1983**

Josh and Jenna had a huge argument about God knows what. Long story short, she kicked him out and he's temporarily living back at home, much to his chagrin. He locks himself in his room, but I managed to get him to talk. He said that they were fighting because she got accepted into college and she told Josh he would need to get a job. He knew he should, but he was just too annoyed and that started a huge argument. I had looked at him as if he had grown three heads. It was simple; he needed to get a job to support his family while she made her way through college. Sure, she could work too, but her main priority was her school work. I told him this, and he agreed with me. I told him that instead of sulking, he should be back with Jenna and start looking for a job.

**June 29, 1983**

Well, I guess all good things must come to an end at some point. My father got fired from his job...I had known this was coming. He kept on showing up to work in tattered clothes, drunk (or had the smell of alcohol on him), and had been late to work the past few weeks. Now all I have to worry about is getting through the day alive.

**July 2, 1983**

Since my father is at home now during the day, he sulks on the couch with his whiskey, vodka, beer, scotch, or any other type of alcohol he has lying around the house. I have to hide out in my room with the door locked until he passes out. I swear, his liver is just going to give out with all of the alcohol he's consuming.

**July 4, 1983**

Happy 4th of July! I spent the day with Jenna and Josh. We had a big dinner and then went to watch fireworks down at the bay. Thankfully Dad didn't object much. I'm not really sure why, but he's always nicer on holidays.

**July 8, 1983**

Jenna's as big as a house, and she's only seven months along! They still didn't want to find out the gender of the baby, but they finally got a name picked out. For a boy, it'll be Anthony Jacob Sidle, Tony for short. If it's a girl, her name's gonna be Olivia Katherine Sidle. Oh, and Josh just proposed to Jenna. The wedding's gonna be held off until they have the baby. Mom's super excited, but my father doesn't give a shit.

**July 13, 1983**

Happy Friday the 13th! I'm not even sure why everyone is so superstitious about Friday the 13th. I don't think there's anything really special about it...it's just another day on the calendar.

--

Sara shut the book and set it on the desk beside her. She curled up and snuggled up against Grissom's side. Grissom wrapped his arms around his wife and rested his cheek on top of her head. He gently stroked her back as he said, "I can't believe your father raped you Sara! That's horrible...parents are supposed to raise and nurture their children. They're supposed to love them, help them grow up, and keep them safe. They shouldn't hurt them, they shouldn't make the child look over their shoulder all their life...I'm so sorry, Sara. You didn't deserve that kind of childhood."

Sara just stayed quiet. On a lighter note, Grissom asked, "So what did Jenna have...a boy or a girl?"

"You'll just have to wait and see," Sara said. "I've got tons of pictures of the baby...I'll show them to you after we get to the part where she has her baby."

Grissom smirked at her, but decided he could wait.

* * *

**A/N 3:** I am so sorry for the delay in this chapter. I've been busy with life and with just everyday stuff. Would you all like to see Jenna have a boy or a girl...the gender with the most votes wins. If there's a tie, I'll decide the gender.


	6. Chapter 5

**Dear Diary:**

Chapter 5

**Disclaimer:** I do not own CSI.

**Spoilers:** Anything aired in the US is fair game.

**Summary:** Whilst cleaning, Sara and Grissom stumble upon Sara's old diary. Her past then becomes an open book. GSR

**A/N:** This story may sound similar to katyrye's story _Sara's Diary_, but believe me, it's a complete coincidence that our stories have similar topics. We both are writing completely different things though.

**A/N 2:** This was beta'd by me, myself, and I. Enjoy!

* * *

After awhile of just holding each other on the couch, Sara finally pulled away from him and grabbed the diary again. She flipped it open to where she had paused. Grissom kept his arm wrapped around her waist as she continued to read aloud.

**July 20, 1983**

I spent the day at Steven's house because I just couldn't put up with my father anymore. He was screaming at me about everything; how the house wasn't clean enough, how it was my fault he lost his job (I'm still trying to work out how it could possibly be my fault), how the neighbor's dog is too loud, and how I was just a complete nuisance. Anyways, I went off to Steven's, where I found him playing with Spark and Sky. I hadn't seen him in awhile, so I was really excited.

Steven asked his parents if we could take two of the horses for a ride around the local area. They had no problem with it, as long as we watered the horses regularly as it was almost 90 degrees outside. Steven took Thunder and I took Twister up to a close-by stream and we had a picnic. The terrain was so beautiful...different types of flowers were scattered throughout the vast meadow, butterflies flittered around in the air, and we saw many types of wildlife. It was amazing.

**July 24, 1983**

I went over to Jenna's house and right now she is ready not to be pregnant anymore. Her feet are always sore and swollen, she hates how much weight she gained, and she's tired of getting little amounts of sleep at night. I think Josh is ready for her to not be pregnant anymore, too. She's very hormonal...happy one minute, screaming at him the next. She always has the funkiest cravings and my poor brother has to run to the store at all hours, praying that they have what she wants.

**July 30, 1983**

My father got into a HUGE fight with Mom. One minute we're all watching TV and the next Dad's screaming at Mom about how she never makes good food anymore. She told him that if he wanted better food to make it himself. That really pissed him off. He hit her and I objected loudly, but he just told me to "stay the hell out of it, you little bitch."

Of course Mom was furious that he called me a bitch and she told him he could never call me that again. That made him mad and more punches were thrown in both directions. My mom told me to get into my room and lock the door; I didn't need telling twice. I ran up the step, closed and locked the door, and covered my ears. I closed my eyes and pretended that I was somewhere else, somewhere far away from here.

**August 3, 1983**

Ugh, school starts at the end of this month...on August 27. Mom told me that she'd take me to get tested to see if I could move up a grade. I hope I can.

**August 9, 1983**

Jenna's due date is in less than a month, and everybody's anxious...except for Dad, of course. He's not even acknowledging that he has a son, let alone that his grandson or granddaughter is on the way.

**August 13, 1983**

Mom and I went out for school supplies this afternoon to get away from my father. Mom also made my father go out job hunting so he could help provide for the family. At the mall, I got a new pair of jeans, a new t-shirt, a new sweatshirt, pencils, pens, notebooks, binders, paper, a ruler, and a calculator. I asked Mom how she could afford all that, and she just smiled and winked.

**August 19, 1983**

Jenna's getting more and more excited for the baby to arrive. However, she's terrified about the birth. They baby's room is all decorated. It's a soft yellow color, and they only have a few baby outfits (mainly white and yellow) because people are waiting until after the baby's born so they know what gender clothing to get. The wallpaper in the room just has different patterns in different colors...I think it looks cool!

**August 25, 1983**

School starts in two days...I'm so nervous. Steven and I are going into the sixth grade, but hopefully we'll get to go into the seventh. Mom told me to wait out the first few weeks and see if it's any better than last year, but I doubt it.

**August 27, 1983**

School started and, like every first day at school, it was boring. They just went over rules and what would be accomplished this year and blah, blah, blah. I wasn't really paying attention, neither was Steven. We both got into the same class, that's good. And we're sitting next to each other!

**September 3, 1983**

Jenna's due any day. Mom got permission from the school for me to skip the next two weeks so I can stay at home with Jenna. Mom doesn't want her to be alone during the day when she's so close to delivering her baby, so I'm staying with her. My brother works from 7:30 until 5 o'clock, so he's not around during the day. Steven's going to be bringing me the school work that I'm going to miss.

**September 5, 1983**

Jenna went into labor early this morning...at three o'clock. So, we're waiting until her contractions are close enough that we can go to the hospital. Josh called his boss at work and told him he'd be taking his three week leave to help Jenna with the baby.

**September 7, 1983**

Happy birthday to Anthony Jacob Sidle! After 34 hours of labor, Tony was born yesterday (September 6) at 1:19 in the afternoon. He weighed 6 pounds, 14 ounces and was exactly 20 inches long. He's got a head full of dark brown hair, and at the moment his eyes are blue, but they'll most likely change in a few weeks. My brother has brown eyes like me, but Jenna has bright green eyes, so I'm curious as to what color they'll be.

I was in the delivery room with Jenna and Josh (as per request of the two of them) and I've got to say, after the pain she was in, I don't think I'll EVER want to have kids. However, Jenna assured me that I'd probably have kids. She told me that after you hold your baby in your arms, it makes it all worth it.

**September 12, 1983**

Tony is so cute!! He wakes up three to four times a night, and is always playing with his cute little hands. He also shoves his toes in his mouth...I think it's cute!

**September 15, 1983**

I went back to school today, and moved back in with Mom and my father. But, after I finish my homework, I rush to their house and stay there until late at night. Jenna and Josh love having me there; they even made me Tony's Godmother...I'm only 11 for God's sake. But I guess it's an honor. And they told me that if anything happened to them before I turned 18, my mom would get custody of him until my 18th birthday.

**September 16, 1983**

Happy birthday to me! I am now 12 years old. Mom gave me ten dollars, and Jenna and Josh gave me 15! They also set the wedding date for December 16. It'll be an indoor wedding with very few people attending. It'll just be me, Mom, my father (if he wishes to join us), Jenna's parents, and a few of their friends. By then Jenna figures that she'll have her old body back.

**September 21, 1983**

Mom took me to get tested to see if I could skip a grade. They asked me some really simple questions and after it was finished they told me that they'd let me know by the end of the week. I told Steven about it, and he said that he was scheduled to be tested tomorrow.

**September 28, 1983**

Good news, I'm allowed to move up to the seventh grade, and so is Steven! We start Middle School on Monday and they tried to get Steven and me into the same classes. We'll get our schedules on Monday in the principal's office.

**September 30, 1983**

I just finished my first day of the seventh grade. Steven is in my math class, science class, English class, and reading class. I don't have all of my classes him, but at least I have four with him. And I sit with him at the lunch table. I'm in all of the advanced classes, and I love it so much better than the sixth grade. I usually try to stay out of everyone's way, but I have made some friends here.

**October 6, 1983**

My little nephew Tony is getting bigger, even though he's only a month old. I can't wait until he starts smiling, which should be in about another month. He's still trying to eat his fingers and toes, even though Josh and Jenna try to keep them out of his mouth. His eyes are now a bright brown color, with honey colored specks in them.

**October 10, 1983**

The weather is starting to get colder. Winter's definitely coming.

**October 15, 1983**

School is going extremely well. I've got straight 'A's and I'm trying to keep it up!

**October 19, 1983**

Tony got sick. He's coughing and has a stuffy nose, which is not making him happy AT ALL. He's crying a lot more than usual, and he just looks miserable. Poor thing!

**October 27, 1983**

Tony is feeling better...and he SMILED!! Oh my God, he's got the most adorable smile I've ever seen and now that he knows how to do it, he's smiling whenever possible. I think he knows who I am and I think he likes me! Whenever I walk into the room and look down at him, he just beams at me. I can't really explain the feeling...but it's nice to be loved like that.

**October 31, 1983**

Happy Halloween! I went trick-or-treating with Jenna, Josh, and little Tony. I know I'm getting a bit too old for it, but it was fun. I was dressed as a princess, Josh and Jenna even let me hold Tony while we walked. He was fussing in his stroller and as soon as I picked him up, he stopped and started cooing and smiling. Josh and Jenna are surprised at how well I'm taking to the baby, but I just told them that I see him as my little brother.

**November 3, 1983**

Now I'm sick. It's just a little cold, but I haven't been to Jenna's and Josh's house for a few days. I don't want to get the baby sick. So, I've been stuck at home with my parents, and I'm beginning to miss Tony a little. Dad actually found another job. I wonder how long this one will last.

--

Grissom stopped Sara from reading because they had to get ready for work, and eat dinner. Sara marked the page and set the diary on the coffee table. She gently stroked Bruno's soft head before standing up and walking into the kitchen. Grissom followed her and just watched her as she started to prepare their dinner. Sara caught him looking and she raised an eyebrow questioningly.

"And what are YOU looking at?" she asked, smirking.

"Oh, nothing," he said, but after her piercing stare added, "Well, just in the diary, you sounded so nurturing towards your nephew. Have you ever thought about having kids of your own?"

Sara shrugged as she replied, "I've _thought_ about it, but I just never met the right man before."

She continued to prepare the lasagna before she quietly added, "Until now."

* * *

**A/N 3:** Hope you liked this chapter! As you can see, more people voted for a baby boy, so Sara has a nephew. I've got another voting thing: Should I get Sara pregnant or not? Whichever one with the highest amount of votes wins! In the event of a tie, I'll decide.


	7. Chapter 6

**Dear Diary:**

Chapter 6

**Disclaimer:** I do not own CSI.

**Spoilers:** Anything aired in the US is fair game.

**Summary:** Whilst cleaning, Sara and Grissom stumble upon Sara's old diary. Her past then becomes an open book. GSR

**A/N:** This story may sound similar to katyrye's story _Sara's Diary_, but believe me, it's a complete coincidence that our stories have similar topics. We both are writing completely different things though.

**A/N 2:** This was beta'd by me, myself, and I. Enjoy!

* * *

"I just never met the right man before," Sara whispered, "until now."

She said it so quietly that Grissom almost missed that last part of her sentence. He just looked at her for a moment, chewing his lip. His mind replayed her sentence over and over and over again in his head. He walked up to her as she was still preparing their dinner. He rested his hand on the small of her back before he quietly asked, "_Do_ you want kids?"

Sara did respond. She placed the lasagna in the oven. Grissom was about to ask again when she shrugged and said, "It would be nice. I remember just playing with Tony for hours on end, and he would just be smiling and smiling...but I just never thought it would be possible."

"Why wouldn't it?" Grissom asked. "You're still young enough...we can try if that's what you really want."

Sara pursed her lips before she told him, "But it can't be just what I want. You need to want a baby too. That's what the problem was with my family. My mom loved me and my brother...my father wanted nothing to do with us. I don't want to bring a child into the world if you don't want a baby."

Grissom took her hands in his and looked her in the eye as he told her, "I want a baby. Sara, I want to have a baby with you."

Sara smiled at him and hugged him. Grissom hugged her back and kissed her cheek.

**CSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSICSI**

Their night at work flew by, and they had caught their rapist. He had confessed to everything he had done once they buried him under the evidence. Grissom and Sara went home to get a good night's sleep. Sara's dreams were filled with her little nephew Tony. She wondered if she would make a good mother and if her child would love her. A small, brown-haired, blue eyed girl suddenly filled her dreams. That baby was giggling and smiling Sara's smile and looked all-around happy.

However, a sudden dark shadow came into the picture. The shadow began to hit and kick the infant. The baby girl was crying and screaming. The dark figure stopped abusing the child after her body was bruised and broken. The shadow began to laugh and the shadow's face appeared; it was Sara.

Sara gasped as she sat upright in bed, breathing heavily. Sweat beaded upon her brow and her heart was racing. She could not get the sight of the baby's mangled body out of her head. She took deep breaths as she tried to calm herself down. She looked over at her husband. He was still peacefully sleeping. She had a lot of nightmares, and she figured he had learned to sleep through them.

She quietly crawled out of bed and padded to the kitchen. She got herself a bottle of cold water and gulped it down. She then returned to the living room and picked up a photo album. It had numerous pictures of her little nephew, her brother, her sister-in-law, and of herself. She looked at all the ones where Tony was in the picture. He had the cutest smile and she could clearly hear his giggle. She looked over the ones where she was holding Tony, or where it he was standing with her. She loved all of the moments she spent with Tony, and that helped to ease her fears slightly.

How much time she spent looking at the photographs was unknown to her. After awhile, though, she felt Grissom's hand on her shoulder. She looked up at him and he asked, "Are you alright?"

"Fine," she lied, and she knew he knew she wasn't being truthful. "I had a nightmare."

"Oh, honey, you could've woken me up," he said as he sat down next to her. "What was it about?"

"Uhm," Sara said, not entirely knowing if she should tell him. "I saw a brown-haired, blue eyed baby girl. She was laughing and smiling...she looked genuinely happy."

Sara smiled as she remembered the face of the little girl. She then took a deep breath as she said, "But then a dark figure came into view. It started beating the child and when the child lay there motionless, I saw the shadow's face...it was me."

She bit her lip as she sniffled. Grissom enveloped her in his arms and held her tightly. He rubbed her back soothingly as he whispered, "Shh, honey it's okay."

"Gil, what if I hurt our child?" she whispered, her voice quivering in fear. "What if I become my father?"

"You won't," he said firmly. "Because I wouldn't let you. You're so great with the children we come across in our job...and you'll be a great mother. Besides, if you did ever harm our child, I would take him or her away from you. I love you so much, but our child's safety would come first."

Sara smiled before thanking him. He returned the smile and kept his arm wrapped around his shoulder. She grabbed the diary, opened the book, and began to read again.

**November 6, 1983**

Thanksgiving is in three weeks. I'm so excited...Mom and I are spending it at Josh's and Jenna's house. Mom is helping Jenna with the wedding preparations. They're waiting a little until they get the wedding dress, because Jenna still has a little bit of baby fat left. For giving birth two months ago, I think she looks great. They asked me to be one of Jenna's bridesmaids, and I agreed. They also asked if I could hold Tony during the wedding reception, I agreed to that as well. I love the fact that I'm so involved in Tony's life.

**November 10, 1983**

It was career day at school today...it was fairly interesting. A couple weeks ago we got a form to fill out of which careers we would like to see. I chose a veterinarian, a psychiatrist, a Forensic Scientist, and a doctor. People looked at me like I was crazy...a few of the boys told me that I was a girl and couldn't do those occupations. They said those careers were for smart people. I just walked away thinking _I'll show them_!

**November 15, 1983**

Today, Steven got picked on again. He's a sort of geeky boy right now, but I think he'll grown up to be a handsome young man. But a few of the jocks knocked his books out of his hands and scattered all of his papers. I was there and it took me every fiber of my being not to knock them out. I went to get help and when I came back Steven was bruised and bloody.

The jocks had knocked him around and into the lockers. The principal was furious and she was glad I didn't get into the fight either. She asked me the names of the boys, and I told her. They all got a month's worth of detention and were suspended for a week.

**November 19, 1983**

Thanksgiving is just around the corner. I can't wait. We get a week off of school and I get to spend it with Josh, Jenna, and Tony. Tony is getting bigger and bigger every time I see him. I asked what they were feeding him, and they just laughed.

**November 23, 1983**

It's Thanksgiving! We had a lot of food; turkey, mashed potatoes, corn, green beans, salad, stuffing, baked corn, baked potatoes, and for dessert we had an assortment of pies and ice cream. Jenna and Mom did a great job with the food. Dad stayed home and was fuming that he didn't eat when we got home. Mom told him he was welcome to come with us, and just walked away. Dad started a punching match with mom, and he left her unconscious on the floor. I watched in the corner and hid when Dad stormed past me.

I then rushed up to mom and tried to wake her up. I knew it was useless, but I tried anyways. I then knew I should clean her wounds. I did so and then hauled her to my room and let her sleep on my bed while I slept on the floor.

**November 27, 1983**

Mom's injuries are still visible. Whenever she goes somewhere, she had to make up all kinds of stories that at least are somewhat believable. I think she said that she was mugged and her attacker beat her up. When the police offered to investigate, she waved them off and said it was nothing, since they didn't get away with anything.

**December 1, 1983**

The wedding is drawing nearer and nearer. Jenna and Josh are both anxious about it, but happy at the same time. Josh bought their rings awhile, as well as his tuxedo and her dress. Jenna's dress is so beautiful.

**December 5, 1983**

Mom took me to get a dress for the wedding. Jenna came along to offer suggestions. After several hours, we finally all agreed on a floor length royal blue dress. It fits perfectly! We also bought a pair of nice shoes for me...I just need some practice in walking in them. We're keeping my dress and shoes in Jenna's closet because you never know what my father might do to them in a drunken rage.

**December 12, 1983**

My father still is at his job. It's a crappy job, but it brings in some money. He welds things together for some company...if I were his employers, I would not allow him to be near any power tools, but that's just me.

**December 15, 1983**

The wedding is tomorrow. Josh came home for the night (since groom and bride can't be together the day before) and I'm staying with Jenna and Tony. Tony is going to look absolutely adorable in the little suit we got him.

**December 16, 1983**

The wedding was so beautiful! Jenna's dress hugged all of her curves the right way. Her makeup was done brilliantly by my mother, and her long curly hair was up in a tight bun with a few strands dangling down in her face. I just left my hair a little wavy and let it hang around my face. I didn't make a fool of myself by tripping, so that was good! And Josh's hair was neatly combed and he looked so handsome in his suit.

I kept little Tony occupied during the ceremony. He was as cute as a button! He was smiling the whole time, which made me smile. After the ceremony was over, we went back to Josh's and Jenna's house for food and to have some fun. My father didn't attend the wedding, even though we invited him like a million times. He probably would've crashed the wedding anyways.

**December 20, 1983**

It's almost Christmas. I'm hoping to have a good Christmas again like last year. Mom and Dad didn't fight last Christmas. It'll be nearly a year since I've had this diary, and I nearly filled up half of it.

**December 25, 1983**

Mom and I spent the day with Jenna, Josh, and Tony. I got some books, money, and some new clothes. I wouldn't have cared if I didn't get anything...being around the people I love is the most important thing to me.

**December 29, 1983**

I've been staying with Josh and Jenna for the past few days over Christmas break because Dad is get more and more unbearable. He gets pissed of at the smallest things and it's making mom scared for my life, and for her own. I told her to leave him, but every time he hits us he apologizes and says it won't happen again.

**January 1, 1984**

Happy New Year! It's midnight and I'm stayed up all night with Josh and Jenna. I feel really at home here...I wish I could just stay here forever.

--

Sara stopped reading as her stomach grumbled. Grissom smiled at her and took the diary out of her hands. He walked into the kitchen and began to prepare breakfast for the two of them.

* * *

**A/N 3:** I hope you liked this...sorry for the delay. I had a writer's block that I struggled with for awhile.

On a more personal note, I'm getting a puppy in a few weeks. For the life of me, I cannot come up with a name. It's a yellow Labrador and it's a female...if you have any suggestions, I'd love to hear them!


	8. Chapter 7

**Dear Diary:**

Chapter 7

**Disclaimer:** I do not own CSI.

**Spoilers:** Anything aired in the US is fair game.

**Summary:** Whilst cleaning, Sara and Grissom stumble upon Sara's old diary. Her past then becomes an open book. GSR

**A/N:** This story may sound similar to CSIsupervisorKATYRYE's story _Sara's Diary_, but believe me, it's a complete coincidence that our stories have similar topics. We both are writing completely different things though.

**A/N 2:** This was beta'd by me, myself, and I. Enjoy!

* * *

Sara watched Grissom wander around the kitchen, looking for ingredients to make waffles. He mixed them all together, poured the batter into the waffle-maker, and began to make scrambled eggs. Sara watched him multitask between the waffles and the eggs before she walked to the stove and took the pan of eggs away from him.

"I'll do these," she said. "If I don't, you'll burn the whole house down."

Grissom couldn't help but smile at her words. Within a few minutes, their breakfast was ready. They carried their plate of food back into the living room, sat on the couch, and Sara picked up her old diary again. She filled it open again and began to read in between bites of waffle.

**January 5, 1984**

Dad is still at his job, but I doubt he'll be there much longer; he showed up to work slightly drunk...again! Mom's just about sick of his attitude and I think she may actually be leaving him soon. I hope she does.

**January 9, 1984**

Steven and I were walking home together after school yesterday and we saw a homeless man sitting out on the street, looking like he hadn't had anything to eat in awhile. Steven just wanted to leave him alone, but I decided that I could try and buy him a nice, hot meal. At first the homeless guy was ashamed, but then he thanked us for the food. I just smiled and said it was no problem at all. I'd seen that man diving in the dumpsters for any scrap of food, so I decided that he needed a good meal for once.

**January 16, 1984**

Dad got fired from his job again. Mom screamed at him and told him if he wanted to keep a job for longer than a few months, he would have to stop drinking. He hadn't gone into work because he was drunk, so his employers fired him.

**January 20, 1984**

Dad was so drunk when I got home from school I didn't feel safe in the house. Dad accused me of slamming the door too loudly, even though I closed it as quietly as possible, and he began beating me. I managed to get away from him and I ran to Josh's and Jenna's house. Jenna saw me and cleaned me up. She told me she was going to call the police, but I begged her not to and that it was my fault. She then just held me as she told me that none of it was my fault.

**January 31, 1984**

I'm sorry for not writing in awhile, but life has suddenly turned things around for the worse. A couple days ago Dad came into my room and he raped me. I let out a scream and I guess mom heard it. She came barging into my room with a knife and when she saw him getting redressed and him naked, she freaked. She just began stabbing him over and over and over again. Even when he was just lying on the floor she was stabbing him. Blood was everywhere.

One of the neighbors heard the screams coming from our house and called the police they showed up within minutes of my father's murder. A young cop was one of the first ones on the scene. As soon as he stepped into my bedroom, he ran out and began throwing up. A nice police woman, Samantha, came and picked me up and took me to an ambulance. I was then placed in a foster home with a nice young lady...her name is Maria Elverson and she just held me all throughout the night as I cried.

**February 3, 1984**

Josh and Jenna are fighting to get custody of me, but aren't being very successful. Evidently Dad's will contained where his possessions would go after he died. They would go to mom, and when she died (or in this case since she's in jail) they're going to a trust fund until I'm 18. There was nothing in the will of what should happen to me, so I'm stuck in the foster system.

**February 9, 1984**

The foster home isn't bad. There are only two other girls in the house; Alicia who's 9 and Kelsey who's 14. They're nice to me, but we mainly just keep to ourselves. Josh and Jenna are still trying to get me placed with them. Josh is furious that they won't let him take care of his little sister, but I guess everything happens for a reason.

**February 13, 1984**

I still try to keep in touch with Josh and Jenna via letters. They're telling me to keep my chin up and have faith it'll all work out. I'm still going to the same school, but now everyone is looking at me strangely. My friends won't talk to me, and the teachers are talking about me behind my back. They tell each other that they knew something was going on in the Sidle house, and now they know that I was being abused. The only one who still talks freely with me is Steven.

**February 18, 1984**

I'm being moved to a new foster home now. I don't know why...they told me that Miss Elverson's house was just a temporary placement until they could find me another house. I told them that I liked it at the Elverson house, but they just smiled at me like I was five!

I'm now living with Mr. and Mrs. Wagner. They're taking care of four other children: Jacob who's five; Samuel who's ten; Elizabeth who's twelve as well; and Kelly who's seventeen. Kelly's birthday is in two months, so when she turns eighteen she'll be free to leave.

**February 20, 1984**

The Wagner's are nice people, but a lot more strict than Miss Elverson. We all have chores we need to complete; I do the dishes after each meal, I clean the bathrooms once a week, and we need to keep our rooms clean. Jacob helps in any way he can, but a five year old can't do much.

**February 25, 1984**

I try to keep in touch with Mom as much as possible, but writing and sending letters takes awhile. I have monthly visits with her, and tomorrow is my first visit. Everyone thinks my Mom was horrible to me, like Dad was, but I keep telling them that she never touched me. They just tell me that I'm confused...I really hate adults.

**February 26, 1984**

I went to the prison where mom's at today. I just sat and talked to her for as long as we could. I asked her why she killed dad. She told me because he was tired of him hurting me. I told her she could have left him, but she just told me quietly that he still would've found us and hurt us.

**February 28, 1984**

I got a letter from school saying that I had qualified to take a foreign language next year instead of Language Arts. I decided to take Spanish. The school offers Spanish, German, and French.

**March 4, 1984**

The teachers are all preparing us for the state standardized tests that we'll take in Math and Reading next month. It's stupid...it's just another test that we're forced to take. They said that we need to score 'Advanced' or 'Proficient' in order to graduate.

**March 10, 1984**

Kelly is get anxious for her birthday. She's been in the foster care system for three years, and is so ready to get out of it. I've been talking to Elizabeth in my spare time. She's a nice girl...we finally got around to sharing why each of us was in the system. I told her about what happened, and she told me that her mother was gang raped and then murdered last year.

I asked her if she knew what happened to Jacob. She told me that he wouldn't talk about it, so nobody except for the social workers and the Wagner's knows what happened.

**March 15, 1984**

I'm now on a mission to find out what happened to Jacob in order for him to be in foster care. I'm trying to be really friendly, but he barely talks at all. At nights, though, I hear him crying.

**March 17, 1984**

I'm spending as much time with Jacob as I can. I think he's beginning to trust me. He actually smiled when I played cops and robbers with him. I was the cop so I was barely running just so I wouldn't catch him. But then I ran up to him, picked him up, and spun him around in the air. He laughed so hard. He reminds me of an older Tony.

**March 20, 1984**

After school, I went to go see Josh, Jenna, and Tony. Tony looked so happy and excited when I entered the room. He was giggling and reached for me. I picked him up and twirled him in the air before kissing him all over. I stayed with them for awhile just talking. They asked me how I was being treated, and I said it was fine, but I wished I was staying here instead.

**March 24, 1984**

I spent the day with Jacob. I took him to the park, where I pushed him on the swing, went on the slide with him, and played cops and robbers again. I brought lunch with us, so we ate there under the trees. I think he's growing attached to me because he would make sure I was always within five feet on him. Then when we were eating lunch he sat in my lap and just sat there the whole time.

**March 26, 1984**

Last night Jacob was crying in his sleep. The walls are thin and I usually lie awake for awhile before drifting to sleep. I heard him begin to cry, and I walked into his room. He had his thumb in his mouth and was curled into a tight ball. I sat on the edge of his bed and he just looked up at me with his big blue eyes. I opened my arms and he sat in my lap while I rocked him. I asked him if he was okay and he nodded. I asked him if he missed his mommy and daddy, and he nodded again. This was more than he had ever given me before, so I decided that I wouldn't ask him any more tonight. I just rocked him back and forth until he fell back to sleep.

**March 29, 1984**

I HATE Home Economics...we have to cook, and I don't like to cook. Then we started sowing, and I just learned that I can't sow to save my soul. Thank God the girl who sits beside me knows how to and she's helping me.

**April 2, 1984**

Jenna's birthday is coming up...I'll probably go see them for her birthday. I miss seeing them regularly. I'm going to try to see them at least twice a month.

**April 5, 1984**

I talked to Jacob today while we were playing _Candyland_. I asked him if he liked it here, and he just shrugged. I then asked him if he liked it at his house with his parents. He shrugged again, and I asked him if anything bad happened to his parents. He told me that he never had a Daddy, and that his Mommy did something very bad. I asked him what she did and he told me that she gave someone a boo-boo. I asked what happened, and told him he could trust me. He looked around the room, leaned in, and whispered in my ear that his Mommy grabbed a knife and killed four people.

**April 7, 1984**

Today is Jenna's birthday and I went to go visit them again. Tony was thrilled to see me again. He's starting to try to crawl. He gets onto his hands and knees and rocks back and forth...it's so cute! Jenna made an early dinner (since I had a curfew to be back at the foster home at six thirty) and it was wonderful. We just talk about random things, such as the foster home, school, and other stuff.

**April 10, 1984**

I went to visit Mom again. She asked me how I was doing in school and how I was adjusting. I lied and said everything was fine. The truth is that I've been having nightmares. I can barely sleep, and now my foster parents want to send me to a psychiatrist...I am NOT crazy!

--

Sara sighed as she looked over at Grissom. She curled up next to his side and said, "Everyone looked at me as if I were crazy. They talked to me as if I would burst into tears at any moment. I hated it...I just wanted to be treated like a normal person."

Grissom hugged her and kissed the top of her head. He stroked her arm and said, "You're not crazy, baby. You are normal."

She smiled and said, "Thanks...the only one who treated me normally was Steven. He stuck by me through it all."

Grissom sighed. A twinge of jealousy crossed his heart as he listened to how highly she talked of Steven.

* * *

**A/N 3:** Thanks for all the reviews I've received so far! I hope I'm pleasing everyone with what I'm writing. Tell me your thoughts about this story.


	9. Chapter 8

**Dear Diary:**

Chapter 8

**Disclaimer:** I do not own CSI.

**Spoilers:** Anything aired in the US is fair game.

**Summary:** Whilst cleaning, Sara and Grissom stumble upon Sara's old diary. Her past then becomes an open book. GSR

**A/N:** This story may sound similar to CSIsupervisorKATYRYE's story _Sara's Diary_, but believe me, it's a complete coincidence that our stories have similar topics. We both are writing completely different things though.

**A/N 2:** This was beta'd by me, myself, and I. Enjoy!

* * *

Even though Grissom was jealous of Steven, he was glad that Sara had at least one good friend. He was just wondering why he had never had of or met Steven before. Sara had met all of his friends, the few he had, and became friends with them as well. But Sara never ever _once_ mentioned him before.

Grissom snapped out of his daydream by Sara clearing her throat and beginning to read again.

**April 13, 1984**

My foster parents sent me to the psychiatrist today. Her name is Dr. Becker and she's fairly nice...she's just annoying. She keeps asking me how I feel and to talk about what happened at home when I was younger. She asks about my friends, about my new foster home, and how I'm adjusting...I wished everyone would just leave me alone!

**April 16, 1984**

Today I spent some more time with Jacob. He's really warming up to me and rarely leaves my side. The Wagner's noticed this and sat down and talked to me about it. They asked me why I was spending so much time with Jacob and I answered because he reminds me of an older version of my nephew. They asked about Tony, and I showed them a picture of him (I keep it tucked under my pillow when I sleep). They told me not to become too attached because chances were that we'd be separated in the near future.

**April 21, 1984**

I'm getting antsy for school to get done. We still have nearly two months left, but I still want to get out of it. And I was just informed that I was going to be moved to a new foster house next week. I protested and said I liked it where I was at and I didn't want to leave Jacob, but my complaints fell upon deaf ears.

**April 23, 1984**

I spent the day with Steven. We had a friendly competition about who could ride the fasted around the track on a horse. I totally whooped his ass! I finished the race while he was still a few yards back...it was amazing! I told him that I'd be moving again (I'm still going to be in the same school district) but I'll be in a new home.

**April 26, 1984**

I'm moving to a new foster home tomorrow. It's with a middle aged couple, Ray and Karen Baker. I've been packing up what little possessions I have and put them into a few boxes.

**April 27, 1984**

The Bakers are a nice family. They're taking care of 5 boys, ranging from the age of 6-16. The boys are nice and seem to like me, but I'm still keeping my distance from them.

**April 30, 1984**

The Bakers took me to my psychiatrist again. I see her every week and she asks the same questions every time. Each time I tell her a little more...I don't know why. Today I told her about my early childhood days...when Mom and Dad got along and Dad was tolerable. She seemed sympathetic as I told her about how Dad would take us to the park. I remember once when I was maybe four or five we had a picnic at the park and a bee stung me. I was crying and Dad scooped me into his arms and rocked me. He kissed the bee sting and hummed a comforting tune to me...I miss those days.

**May 2, 1984**

I went to visit Josh and Jenna again, and this time I took Steven along. They liked him and said he was welcome over any time. Tony knows how to crawl now and is crawling like crazy! It's so cute to watch. When I walked through the door, he crawled straight to me and reached his little hands up to me! I picked him up and blew raspberries on his neck. He giggled and giggled. He's so adorable!

**May 6, 1984**

The school spelling bee is coming up, and I want nothing to do with it. Sure, I'm a fair speller, but due to my lack of people skills, I really don't want to be spelling words in front of an audience. My English teacher is trying to persuade me to join in, but I'm refusing.

**May 10, 1984**

Today was the spelling bee at our school. The words were SO easy. There were words like 'suspension', 'eliminate', 'different', 'contradict', and 'jeopardy'...and those were the so-called "hard" words. My English teacher told me that I could've dominated in the tournament, but I guess I'll have to do it next year.

**May 14, 1984**

These past few days have been absolutely BORING! Nothing has happened!

**May 16, 1984**

I went over to Steven's today since I was so bored. One of the horses had gotten pregnant and is due in about a month. Spark and Sky are still cute as ever, as are all of the animals on their farm. Steven is so lucky!

**May 21, 1984**

It's almost Memorial Day. In another week it I'll have a four-day weekend for the holiday. Steven's birthday is coming up as well...it's the 26th of May. I never knew when his birthday was...but now I know.

**May 24, 1984**

I got to visit Mom again. She told me that she misses me and thinks about me all the time. I usually enjoy these visits, but now it's getting harder and harder to see her. She's locked up in a cage...it's like she's an animal!

**May 26, 1984**

Today is Steven's birthday and the first day of our long weekend. I spent the day with him and we went to go visit my father's grave. We just sat down by his headstone and talked. I told him about how Dad was earlier in my childhood; he was a loving, caring man. I honestly don't know what happened, but he started to drink and everything went to hell. I told him what my father did to me when he was drunk. Steven just sat there listening, and when I broke down crying, he actually gave me a hug.

**May 29, 1984**

Happy Memorial Day!

**June 2, 1984**

School ends on June 7th...I'm so excited!

**June 5, 1984**

Only two more days until school lets out. Today was very interesting at our foster home. Two of the older boys, Sam and Kyle, decided to go joyriding. Sam is fourteen and Kyle just turned 15...neither of them are old enough to drive. The surprising thing is that they didn't wreck the Bakers' car! But boy were Karen and Ray pissed when they found out.

**June 7, 1984**

Today was the last day of school! I'm free for three months! I had straight A's and Steven did too. Steven and I went over to visit Josh and Jenna again. Tony is still adorable. He's nine months old and growing fast. He's crawling around EVERYWHERE and Josh and Jenna are getting their day's worth of exercise by chasing him around.

**June 10, 1984**

Jenna's got the summer vacation from college so she's home during the days with Tony. Before he had been staying at the babysitter's house until either Josh or Jenna picked him up. I've been spending most of my time at their house...I'm glad that the Bakers don't mind me going there.

**June 13, 1984**

Steven and I got bored today, so I came up with a "game". There are tons of trees around his house, so I picked two of the biggest ones for us to climb. The winner is the person who gets to the top of the tree and back to the ground – without falling – first. Steven was a little apprehensive at first, but then agreed. I won, but Steven wasn't that far behind me.

**June 15, 1984**

Josh and Jenna took me shopping today. They said I could invite a friend along, and I chose my friend Erika along, since I knew Steven wouldn't want to go shopping. We had so much fun! Erika is the funniest person I know and we were laughing the whole day. I'm glad I moved to the 7th grade...I've made so many friends!

**June 17, 1984**

The pregnant horse at Steven's house, her name is Ginger, gave birth to a healthy little male colt last night. He looks like his father and is just adorable. Steven's parents said I could name him, and I finally decided on the name Chester...totally random, I know, but it thought it sounded cool!

**June 20, 1984**

My friend Nikki had a softball game and I went to go watch. It was very...interesting. One girl took a line-drive to the face and broke her nose; another two players collided as they were going for the ball; and Nikki hit the game-winning homerun. It was a lot of fun to watch.

**June 23, 1984**

Today would have been my parent's 17th anniversary. Not that it really matters; Dad didn't really do anything for their past few anniversaries.

**June 27, 1984**

I spent the day at the library reading. I wanted to start teaching myself Spanish and I just read for fun. Jenna said that she'd help me with my Spanish whenever I needed help since she took Spanish all throughout High School and is pretty fluent at it.

**June 30, 1984**

I'm moving to a new foster home tomorrow. It's only about a five-minute walk to Steven's house, so I'll be able to spend more time there. It's a little farther away from Josh and Jenna, but that won't stop me from visiting them.

**July 2, 1984**

The new foster home is alright, for now. The foster parents are a young couple, Mr. and Mrs. Hanson. There are a lot of other kids here, so I'm rooming with a 9 year old black girl, Taylor. She's a shy, quiet girl and we mainly keep to ourselves.

**July 5, 1984**

The first month of summer vacation flew by! There's still another month and a half and I'm going to make sure I make the best of it.

**July 7, 1984**

My friend Erika just had her birthday, and she's turning 13. For her birthday, she invited a few of her friends over to her house for a sleep over. After a bit of begging, I finally got Mr. and Mrs. Hanson to agree to it. We had so much fun! We played so many different games, and there was alcohol there. We got so drunk...thank got Erika's parents trusted us and didn't come barging in on us while we were intoxicated. Tomorrow I'll probably have on hell of a headache.

**July 8, 1984**

Yep, bad headache. I already took painkillers, but nothing is working. Thankfully the Hanson's didn't notice I had a hangover.

--

Grissom raised his eyebrow questioningly. Sara looked over at him, smirking.

"What?" she asked.

He chuckled softly and said, "_More_ parties! Didn't you learn your lesson after the first one?"

Sara blushed slightly and said, "No...but it was just too much fun to decline. Plus Erika had been begging me to come, so I begged my foster parents to let me go...in exchange I had to do more chores for a week, but it was worth it."

Grissom smiled as he hugged Sara, thankful that she at least had some fun while she was in foster care.

* * *

**A/N 3:** I finally got some time to write this chapter. I was spending time with my relatives and haven't had the time to write. I hope this pleases everyone...thank you for all of the wonderful reviews I have received!


	10. Chapter 9

**Dear Diary:**

Chapter 9

**Disclaimer:** I do not own CSI.

**Spoilers:** Anything aired in the US is fair game.

**Summary:** Whilst cleaning, Sara and Grissom stumble upon Sara's old diary. Her past then becomes an open book. GSR

**A/N:** This story may sound similar to CSI Supervisor's story _Sara's Diary_, but believe me, it's a complete coincidence that our stories have similar topics. We both are writing completely different things though.

**A/N 2:** This was beta'd by me, myself, and I. Enjoy!

* * *

"Well, at least you had some fun in foster care," Grissom said, hugging her to his chest.

Sara scoffed and said, "Yeah, fun."

Grissom looked at her questioningly, but Sara said nothing. She just picked up her diary once again and continued to read the passages.

**July 10, 1984**

I went to go see my brother again. Tony is standing now (with the help of the couch and table) but pretty soon he'll be walking! He stands and when we try to help him walk, he just flops down on his butt.

**July 13, 1984**

One of the older foster kids at the Hanson house turned 18 today and left. His name was David and he seemed relieved to finally be able to be free.

**July 14, 1984**

While I was cleaning up around the foster home, I found a little baggie of cocaine. I already knew who it belonged to – a seventeen year old boy named John – but I just need to prove it. John's eyes are always bloodshot and he always has dark rings under his eyes...it's so obvious he's high. Yet, the Hansons are oblivious as to what's going on inside their house.

**July 16, 1984**

I was able to prove that John's snorting cocaine. I was pretending to clean his room (the idiot actually let me clean his room as long as he didn't have to) and I found his stash. It was in a little box stuffed into his t-shirt pile.

I went to Mrs. Hanson and asked her what would happen if one of the fosters was doing drugs. She kind of looked at me weirdly before she told me she didn't know. I then told her that John was doing drugs and told her to look in his t-shirt pile. I told her she'd find a box and there was cocaine in it.

She asked me why I was in his room and I told her that I was cleaning. She found the drugs, but I didn't find out what happened to John. I think he was arrested because the police were called in.

I just realized I never apologized for ratting out my brother to my mom when I found his drugs.

**July 19, 1984**

I went to Josh again to apologize for getting him in trouble for the drugs. He just scooped me up and held me, telling me that it wasn't my fault and that he shouldn't have been doing drugs in the first place.

**July 21, 1984**

Tony took his first steps! Oh my God it was so cute! Josh was outside fixing something and Jenna was making dinner while I was entertaining Tony. He stood up, as he always does, so I didn't really think anything of it. But then he let go of the table and looked at me as if he was unsure of himself. I was shocked, but continued watching. He then put one wobbly foot in front of him as he took a step.

I screamed for Jenna to come, and she ran in, thinking something was wrong. But when she saw her baby boy, she nearly had a heart attack. She screamed for my brother and he rushed in. All of this sudden attention startled Tony and he just stood there, staring at his parents.

Josh and Jenna tried to coax him towards them, but I opened my arms and just talked to him. He grinned at me before he shakily walked into my arms. I hugged him and he laughed. This was one of the cutest moments I've ever witnessed...he's only around ten months old and walking! Before I know it he'll be talking!

**July 22, 1984**

School starts up in a month and I can't wait to begin the eighth grade. I already got my schedule in the mail. I have English first period, then Spanish second, then History, Computer Applications, Lunch, Science, Gym, and finally Academic Algebra. I'm nervous to see how nice the teachers are.

**July 25, 1984**

Holy shit, we had a frickin' earthquake last night. It wasn't major enough to cause any damage but enough to scare the shit out of me. I woke up to a few rumbles...I just thought is may have been thunder, but then the ground began to shake and even from my bed I felt it. I curled up and thought somebody was dropping a bomb on us, but when it passed, my roommate, Taylor, asked me what that was and I had no idea. But it then dawned on me and I answered, "I think it was an earthquake."

In all of my years, I have never seen an earthquake.

**July 26, 1984**

I went to Steven's house and asked if they felt the earthquake. He said he did and it really freaked out the animals. The horses were more spooked than anything and damn near busted down the fence they were in.

**July 28, 1984**

Steven and I went with Jenna, Josh, and Tony to the local pool. It was a cooler day, so there weren't as many people around. I felt so shy to be in the bathing suit. Every time I looked down at my arms or legs, I expected there to be a bruise or a cut from my father, but there never was.

We spent the day swimming and I even stayed with Tony in the baby pool so Jenna and Josh could go swim in the bigger pool. Tony loved to splash the water around as I held him...it was so cute.

**July 31, 1984**

Another month and we'll be back at school. Steven is excited...he showed me his schedule, and we have a few classes together. He has English, Gym, German, History, Lunch, Science, Computer Applications, and Academic Algebra...we both have English, Science, and our math class together.

**August 2, 1984**

One of the foster kids, Madison, had a birthday today. Maddy turned ten today and was really excited about getting cake and just to have her tenth birthday. Here in our foster home, we don't get many gifts...we only maybe get one or two for our birthday and usually only a maximum of four for Christmas. I don't really mind, though.

**August 4, 1984**

I had yet another appointment with my psychiatrist today. Usually they go smoothly and I either talk, or I listen to what Dr. Becker has to say. Today, however, she wanted my to talk more openly about what my father did to me. Sure, she knows he raped me, but I never told her how many times or the details, and I don't plan to.

**August 10, 1984**

I feel like shit. The other day I was walking home from the library, and I heard this weird sounds coming from a dark alley. It was about eight o'clock, and I just wanted to get home, but curiosity got the best of me. I decided to see what was making that noise, and I saw a woman being pinned against the wall. I stood there, frozen, and watched. I saw the glint of a gun, and began to back away, but stopped again when she screamed. I saw the man begin to strip her, and he raped her. I just stood there and did nothing as that poor woman cried out for somebody to help her...that somebody was ME! I then saw the man put his gun to her head and I heard the gunshot...the woman fell to the ground, dead. I just ran back to the foster home as fast as I could. I can still see that man's face when I close my eyes.

In today's paper, they had a story about that woman. She was raped and shot in that alleyway, and I could've done something to help. The perpetrator hasn't been apprehended yet.

**August 11, 1984**

I went to talk with Jenna about what I witnessed in the alleyway. I told her that I watched him terrorize her and I did nothing to help. Jenna soothed me and then asked if I saw this man attacking the woman. She asked if I saw the man's face. I told her I did, and she asked if I saw it clear enough to go to the police. Wanting to help, I allowed her to drive me there, along with my foster parents, since they were my legal guardians. The police sketch artist drew the man as I described him...I hope it helps catch him.

**August 13, 1984**

The police managed to catch the guy. They brought me down to the police station to identify him. I picked him out of a lineup and went home...the police thanked me. I heard them saying that with my identification they had enough for a warrant for his DNA.

**August 15, 1984**

I haven't heard if the DNA was a match yet, or if I'd have to testify in court. I hope I won't have to.

**August 17, 1984**

I still haven't heard anything, but I really don't mind. I feel as though my conscience is clear because I helped as best I could.

On a different note, school starts in a little over a week. I went out to get school supplies with Jenna...I got pencils, pens, erasers, notebooks, binders, papers, and folders. She even let me get a new pair of jeans!

**August 19, 1984**

Things are running smoothly here. Nothing is really happening. People are still talking about the rape of that poor woman; they can't believe that something like that could happen in our town.

**August 20, 1984**

Newspaper reporters came by our house today wanting to talk with me about the attack. At first, the Hansons were a little apprehensive about allowing me to talk about that subject matter, but I managed to convince her to allow me to do an interview. They asked me a few questions about what I witnessed, but most of them were about how I remember what the rapist's face looked like...I guess I have a good memory. I answered their questions with ease. The left but not before they took a few photos of me to put in the news paper.

**August 21, 1984**

I got today's newspaper and found the article about me. I'm definitely going to save it! I called Josh and asked if he saw the article, and he said he just finished reading it. He said he was so proud of me and that he was going to keep it for as long as he lived.

--

Grissom saw a newspaper clipping resting in the book. He picked it up, and saw the headline: _Local Girl Aids in the Capture of Rapist_. He looked down and saw a photograph of Sara when she was twelve. Her facial features looked pretty much the same, just a younger version.

"You were an adorable preteen!" exclaimed Grissom, grinned.

Sara flushed a deep crimson as she looked at herself. She thought she looked like a dork. Grissom read the article, which talked about what she saw and how she managed to identify the rapist. The newspaper reporters also asked her how she felt to help catch a dangerous criminal. _It felt like I was doing something to help that woman after what had happened to her_, was Sara's response. The next question was how it felt to be watching a crime happening right before her very eyes. _It was a bit scary...I kept on thinking that he would attack me next, but my feet wouldn't move. I'm just glad I helped put him behind bars_, Sara answered.

"Wow, you didn't do too bad for this interview," Grissom said as he finished the article.

Sara smiled shyly at this. She rested her head upon his shoulder as she gazed down at the article. She sighed as she said, "You know, I wasn't able to sleep for awhile after I saw that woman being raped. I felt as if I could've stopped it...I could've called for help, I could've tried to stop it, I could've done anything other than what I did."

"Sara, you were twelve...a child," Grissom said gently, trying to reason with her. "If you had tried to break it up, chances were that you would've been shot. You did all you could by identifying the man and helping the police catch him. I'm sure if that woman were here, she'd be thanking you."

Sara nodded and sighed, "Yeah, but it doesn't make me feel any less guilty."

* * *

**A/N 3:** Sorry for the delay in updates...life has been hell. My cousin was killed in a car accident and I've been busy dealing with that. So, please review to let me know what you thought...I would like at least 10 reviews, but I'll take what I can get.


	11. Chapter 10

**Dear Diary:**

Chapter 10

**Disclaimer:** I do not own CSI.

**Spoilers:** Anything aired in the US is fair game.

**Summary:** Whilst cleaning, Sara and Grissom stumble upon Sara's old diary. Her past then becomes an open book. GSR

**A/N:** This story may sound similar to CSI Supervisor's story _Sara's Diary_, but believe me, it's a complete coincidence that our stories have similar topics. We both are writing completely different things though.

**A/N 2:** This was beta'd by me, myself, and I. Enjoy!

* * *

Tears welled up in Sara's eyes as she remembered back to the night the woman was attacked. The images burned so clearly in her mind, it was as if she was living it again.

_It had been a long day, and Sara just wanted to get home. She stayed in the library until they kicked her out so they could close, and now she was walking back to the foster house. She suppressed a yawn as she walked by an alley. Her shadow stretched far ahead of her, as the sun was at a low spot in the sky. She was a little wary of the dark, so was walking at a brisk place to get to the house quicker._

_A sudden noise caught her attention, and she stopped. At first she thought it may have been just a stray dog whining, and she began to walk again. She stopped, however, when she heard it again. It definitely wasn't an animal. She stopped again, her heart beating rapidly against her chest. She quietly crept around the corner and peered down into the alley. It was darker than the street, but just light enough for Sara to see everything that was going on. A man with a gun was holding a woman up to the brick wall and had just punched her._

_Sara gasped and quickly covered her mouth. She moved back into the sidewalk and pressed her back up against the wall, not quiet believing that this was actually happening. Butterflies immediately sprang into her stomach and she felt sick. Her hands were shaking, as were her legs, making it hard for her to stand properly. She took in a deep, shaking breath and glanced back into the alleyway. The man didn't seem to notice her, so she just stood there, watching._

_The woman let out a shriek that was quickly muffled by the man's large, calloused hand. He shoved the gun against her head and ordered her to shut up. The woman was shaking and was obviously sobbing._

_Sara stood and watched as the man smacked her around a bit. The woman lay crumpled in a heap on the ground. Sara thought the man was done, but she watched in horror as he stripped off her clothes. The woman feebly attempted to fight against the man, but she was just too weak to do so. The man then stripped naked and Sara had to look away, it was so horrifying. However, the sounds of the woman's moans and cries were still real, and Sara knew what was happening to the poor lady._

_After what seemed like forever, the cries stopped. Sara looked back into the alley and saw the man getting redressed. The woman, however, he left naked. He then placed his gun on her forehead, and pulled the trigger. Sara jumped and let out a soft scream. Luckily the gunshot was louder than her scream or she may as well have been dead also._

_She bit her lip and tried to blink back the tears, but was extremely unsuccessful. The tears cascaded down her pale cheeks, and she ran towards home as fast as her legs would take her. She entered her foster house, and ran straight to her bedroom._

Sara shook her head as if that would make the memory recede back where it came from. Sara took a moment to compose herself before she continued reading from the diary.

**August 22, 1984**

I can't wait until school starts...only 4 more days!

**August 25, 1984**

School starts tomorrow, and I'm really excited. I hope the teachers are nice, and I hope that I've got some classes with my friends. I know I have several classes with Steven, but I'd like to see my other friends too.

**August 26, 1984**

The first day of school was fairly boring, as always. My English, History, Science, and Algebra teachers all seem really funny! All we did today was just talk about what we'd be learning throughout the year. Every other Friday we're going to be doing some kind of lab in Science class...this year sounds like it's going to be very interesting.

**August 28, 1984**

I love all of my teachers! They're amazing! Most of them are so frickin' funny, and then they're just really good teachers. My gym teacher just started, so she's a little nervous. We're doing flag football in gym. I never used to like gym because whenever I changed, people could see the bruises, but now, there are none.

**August 29, 1984**

In History (the correct name is American History) we're starting to learn about Native Americans. It's so interesting to see how they lived and acted...it's such a shame about what we did to them.

**August 30, 1984**

Today was the first day we actually started playing flag football in gym, and it's SO fun. My gym teacher seemed to warm up to the class quickly, and everybody likes her. I totally think that there's something romantic going on between my Gym and History teachers...the look on their faces whenever they're around each other completely gives it away. I've also seem them together before and after school...but then again, I may be wrong (although I doubt it).

**September 2, 1984**

My History teacher assigned a Native American project. We need to research a specific area and the Indians who inhabited it. My friend Nikki is in my group, along with a kid named Tyler. We're researching the Indian's that inhabited the Southeast.

**September 3, 1984**

Today in Gym class, I think I broke my left ring finger. I was going for somebody's flag, but my hand got caught on the belt in which the flag was attached. The girl kept running, not knowing my finger was caught, and at the same time, I tried to yank it out. My finger hurt like hell and it swelled up immediately, and it's all bruised. My foster mom is taking me to the doctor tomorrow.

**September 4, 1984**

Yep, my finger's definitely broken. Now I need to wear a protective metal splint to make sure I don't injure it further. I fractured the bone near the top knuckle, so if I keep bending it, the ligaments attached to the bone may actually pull the bone off. I don't want that to happen, so I'm wearing the splint all the time.

**September 6, 1984**

Tony's birthday is tomorrow! Josh and Jenna are going to be throwing a huge party for him. I'm going to head over to their house once I finish my homework.

**September 7, 1984**

The party was very fun! There was so much food! Jenna didn't have to make so much, it was only their family, plus me and Steven, and a few of their friends! She made enough to feed a whole army!! But, she's an excellent cook, I'll give that to her.

**September 9, 1984**

I'm starting to get back into the rhythm of school. Wake up at six o'clock, catch the bus at 6:45, get to school around 7:20, and be in homeroom by 7:35. Go through the day, get done at 2:30, and get home a little after three. Then it's homework, chores, and then I can do whatever I want to do...most of the time I go visit either Steven or my brother.

**September 11, 1984**

My birthday is coming up soon, and soon I'll be thirteen!

**September 14, 1984**

Yay, it's Friday. There's a home football game. I'll probably get Steven's parents to take me if I get my chores done after school. Thankfully a lot of the teachers don't like assigning homework on Fridays, so it'll be easier to finish up my chores.

**September 15, 1984**

Our football team lost, big time. They played the defending champions from last year, and were crushed 48-2...the only way we scored was when we sacked the quarterback in their own end-zone. Our team sucks this year...our quarterback threw four interceptions, fumbled the ball twice, and was sacked at least seven times!

**September 16, 1984**

Happy Birthday to me! I am offcially thirteen years old. Josh and Jenna made me a special dinner and a birthday cake! It was really good, I love eating there!

**September 18, 1984**

We just had a 50-point unit test in Spanish today. We needed to know how to express time, some vocabulary, and how to introduce ourselves properly. I think I did fairly well on it, but who knows? I guess I'll get the results back tomorrow.

**September 19, 1984**

I didn't do so bad on the test after all. I got a 48 out of 50...it's still an A. Steven told me he just bombed his German test...he got a high C on it.

**September 21, 1984**

There's nothing really going on here...same old same old.

**September 22, 1984**

Today I was in the girl's bathroom, and I smelled cigarette smoke and marijuana. I heard voices from in the stall, and they were ready to come out into the open. I snuck into a stall, left the door open just a crack, and listened. They were two seniors...I have no idea what they were doing in the Middle School bathroom, but I wondered how the hell they got the drugs and the cigarettes.

**September 24, 1984**

It's beginning to get a little cooler here. Some leaves on the trees are beginning to change color...I love autumn. The leaves are so pretty, and the weather is just right.

**September 26, 1984**

Steven was getting picked on in the hallways again. Three muscular jocks decided that it would be 'fun' to see if a skinny kid could fit in a locker. Steven's built kind of like me, tall but skinny. He's my height and maybe just a bit heavier than me, but he can still fit in a locker.

The jocks approached us and tried to shove us both into their lockers, but I kicked and scratched and they abandoned me. Steven, on the other hand, isn't used to having to fight back, so his attempts were pathetic. They were about to shut the locker with him in it, but I forced it open. Even with the three of them pushing, I pushed it back to let Steven out. He stumbled out, and the jocks look like they were ready to punch someone.

By this time, a ring of kids had formed around the area, and were encouraging us to fight. I turned the other direction, and Steven and I forced our way out of the crowd.

**September 27, 1984**

Jenna just found out that she's pregnant again. Tony's only a year old...they won't be able to handle another child. I would've thought they learned their lesson after getting pregnant with Tony, but obviously not.

--

Grissom smiled a little as Sara read the passage. Sara furrowed her brows in confusion, and Grissom said, "So, did you get another nephew or a niece?"

Sara pursed her lips into a tight smile and said, "You'll have to wait and see."

Grissom whined, protesting he wanted to know _now_. Sara grinned a little and said, "No, Gil, you'll just have to wait and see. And how about we go to our bedroom to take your mind off of the gender," Sara purred seductively, slowly getting up to walk to their bedroom.

She was swaying her hips more than necessary, but Grissom didn't mind it one bit. He was off the couch in a heartbeat as he chased her to the bed, where God only knows what happened there.


	12. Chapter 11

**Dear Diary:**

Chapter 11

**Disclaimer:** I do not own CSI.

**Spoilers:** Anything aired in the US is fair game.

**Summary:** Whilst cleaning, Sara and Grissom stumble upon Sara's old diary. Her past then becomes an open book. GSR

**A/N:** This story may sound similar to CSI Supervisor's story _Sara's Diary_, but believe me, it's a complete coincidence that our stories have similar topics. We both are writing completely different things though.

**A/N 2:** This was beta'd by me, myself, and I. Enjoy!

* * *

Sara had her head resting on Grissom's bare shoulder, their usual post-coital ritual. Her hand was resting on his chest and she was stroking the firm flesh of his chest. He had his arm wrapped protectively across her shoulders and was stroking her hand with his thumb. Both of them were in a state of bliss, not caring about anything else in the world. The gender of Jenna's baby was far from Grissom's mind.

Sara took in a deep breath and blew it out. She snuggled even closer to her husband, feeling warm and secure in his arms. She planted a soft kiss on his shoulder and let out a yawn. Grissom turned his head to look into her chocolaty orbs. She looked right back at him. He saw love and passion in her eyes, and he knew that he had made the right decision by marrying her.

"You hungry?" he finally asked. "I could whip us up some pancakes or something."

The soft rumble gave him Sara's answer. He smiled slightly and trudged to the kitchen while she meandered to the bathroom to get a shower.

A half hour later, Sara walked into the kitchen to see Grissom taking off the pancake from the pan. He looked over his shoulder when he heard her come in. He returned his gaze to the pile of pancakes in front of him. He put a little bit of butter on them and drizzled syrup over them before handing the pile to his wife. She thanked him while accepting the plate of food.

He joined her moments later with his own breakfast platter. Meanwhile, Bruno was standing in the corner, noisily munching on his kibble. Once the three of them got done eating, they walked back into the living room to relax. Since both Grissom and Sara had the day off, they could have some personal time together.

"Do you want to keep reading or would you prefer to sit here and watch a movie?" Grissom asked, leaving the option up to Sara.

Sara sighed and said, "Uhm, I'll keep reading. That way I won't leave you hanging about Jenna's pregnancy."

She took the diary off of the coffee table, opened it up, and began to read from it.

**September 28, 1984**

Jenna made a doctor's appointment to confirm the pregnancy. She and Josh won't get the results back for another few days, but I can tell you now, she's pregnant.

**September 30, 1984**

I'm hoping to get this damn splint off of my finger! It feels fine, and it's healing nicely...but everyone keeps telling me to wait until the doctor clears me. I can't wait another two frickin' weeks! I want it off NOW!

**October 1, 1984**

I just got my period today. When I got home from school this afternoon, I changed into different, comfortable clothes, and I had blood on my underwear. I was freaking out and called my foster mother in a panic. She rushed in, and I was hyperventilating, but she relaxed when she realized what was happening. She took me to the bathroom, helped clean me up, and helped me to take care of everything.

She explained to me everything that was happening, but I had already known about it because of health class. Afterwards, I just sulked off to my room and curled into a ball.

**October 2, 1984**

I HATE my period! I'm cramping so bad I barely want to leave my bed. I called Jenna and asked if her period was always like this. She told me that some days are worse than others.

**October 4, 1984**

My period is starting to get better, but it's still annoying.

**October 5, 1984**

I went to see Jenna again. I'm staying over at their house this weekend (I finally convinced my foster parents to allow me to stay overnight) and everything started out okay. While my brother was at work, we were watching a movie on the couch whilst entertaining Tony. Jenna excused herself to the bathroom halfway through the movie, and was gone for nearly ten minutes before I went looking for her. I sat Tony on the floor with his toys and went to go check on her.

I found her in the bathroom, pale and holding her stomach. Worried, I rushed to her and that's when I saw the blood. I called 911 and they rushed her to the hospital. Josh and I met her at the hospital and the two of us went back to where they were keeping her. I was trying to keep Tony occupied to he wouldn't start screaming.

The OB/GYN came into the room to perform an ultrasound. Jenna was barely managing to contain her tears as they squirted the gel onto her belly. Josh was holding her hand and I was just quietly watching. The obstetrician moved the wand over Jenna's belly, and I saw his face fall. He told my brother that he couldn't find a heartbeat. That put Jenna over the edge and she began to cry. Tony started to get upset, so I stepped out of the room to calm him down. I just stayed out there with Tony.

My brother came out awhile later looking like shit. I instantly knew that he had bad news. He quietly told me that Jenna had lost the baby and had to go through a quick surgery to clean her out. I gave Josh a hug which was all I could give him as condolences.

**October 6, 1984**

Jenna was able to come home from the hospital very early this morning, but was in no mood to talk. Instead, she and my brother sat on the couch watching a movie while I played with Tony. Tony can say several words, but most of the time he babbles and giggles. I took him to the park so Josh and Jenna could talk privately.

While at the park, I pushed him on the swings, went with him down the slide, played with him in the sand box, and told him stories. I took him home when he began to fall asleep. When I arrived at my brother's house, I found him and Jenna on the couch fast asleep. Dried tears were on both of their cheeks and they were holding onto each other for dear life. My heart ached for them. I put Tony in his crib before leaving them a note that I had gone home.

**October 7, 1984**

All of the foster kids asked me how my stay with them was. I lied, forced a smile, and told them that it was really fun. They seemed to believe me and stopped asking questions.

**October 9, 1984**

School's going well. I've got all A's so far, and am actually doing well in Spanish. We're starting to conjugate verbs, and I think it's easy right now. My Spanish teacher, Senora Good, is really nice and friendly. She's from Colombia and English is her second language, Spanish being her first, and is extremely fluent when speaking both.

**October 10, 1984**

The doctor finally said I could stop using the splint. However, I still needed to use it while doing gym or any other sports. I don't play any other sport, so all I need it for is gym.

**October 12, 1984**

I think Josh and Jenna are handling the miscarriage fairly well. Of course, they're still hurting, but that's to be expected. But when they're out in public or playing with Tony, I wouldn't have known that Jenna just miscarried. Tony is their pride and joy, and I think that they're going to focus on him for awhile.

Jenna is still attending the university at nights and is doing exceptionally well. She's in her sophomore year. She's studying to become a lawyer. She changed her mind since I talked to her over a year ago; she doesn't want to be a psychologist anymore, but instead a prosecutor. I think that's a good career for her...she's good with people, she's very argumentative, and she has a tendency to contradict things that people say.

**October 14, 1984**

Steven got a girlfriend today. A fellow eighth grader asked him out, even though he's a year younger than she is. Her name is Samantha, Sam for short, and if I were him, I'd date her. I've never told anybody this, but I've had a crush on him since sixth grade. I know I should be happy for him, but I'm jealous of Sam. I wish I were her.

**October 16, 1984**

Steven and I are still hanging out together, but not as much. He's always calling her, and if we do hang out, Sam's always with us. I don't spend much time with the both of them anymore...it's too painful. Every time he smiles at her, I have to bit my lip in order to stop the tears. Whenever he smiles at me, I have to force a smile. I should've just taken the initiative and asked him out, but if it didn't work out, I didn't want it to ruin our friendship. Now I know that either way, it would've been strained anyways.

**October 18, 1984**

My child services worker came around today to inform me that I'm going to be moving to a new foster home this weekend. I really don't want to leave the Hansons. They're really nice people and I've made foster friends!

**October 20, 1984**

I can't believe I have to leave! It's not fair! I've been here for a few months, it feels like home. I'm sick of moving every couple of months. My social worker told me that she's trying to place me into a home from a longer period of time but is have difficulties. She told me that three are too many foster kids and not enough people to take them in.

**October 22, 1984**

Tonight is my last night with the Hansons. They threw me a big party with lots of food and cake. They even let me stay up later than I usually can! I'm going to miss everybody here.

**October 23, 1984**

I moved to my new foster home this morning. My social worker drove down a long stone driveway and when she parked at a huge two-story house, I thought she drove to the wrong address. But, two people greeted us at the door; Mr. and Mrs. Harris. They had the biggest smiles on their face as they welcomed me to their home. I timidly walked in and I was immediately met with a small group of kids in the living room. There all looked pale and thin and their eyes were darting around the room as if they expected a monster to jump out of the closet and eat them. I recognized the feeling; it was exactly how I felt whenever my father would come home. I instantly knew that something was not right.

--

Sympathy nipped at Grissom's heart. He saw the pained expression on Sara's face as she talked about Steven and his girlfriend as well as the new foster home. He just wanted to take her in his arms and assure her that everything was okay...so that's exactly what he did.

* * *

**A/N 3:** Okay, I know I keep saying "sorry for the delay", so I won't say it this time. I also say that I'll try harder to get the next chapter up within a few days, and that never happens, so I won't say that either. I do say "please leave a review" and I always get so many positive reviews that I'm going to keep saying it...please leave me a review!


	13. Chapter 12

**Dear Diary:**

Chapter 12

**Disclaimer:** I do not own CSI.

**Spoilers:** Anything aired in the US is fair game.

**Summary:** Whilst cleaning, Sara and Grissom stumble upon Sara's old diary. Her past then becomes an open book. GSR

**A/N:** This story may sound similar to CSI Supervisor's story _Sara's Diary_, but believe me, it's a complete coincidence that our stories have similar topics. We both are writing completely different things though.

**A/N 2:** This was beta'd by me, myself, and I. Enjoy!

* * *

Sara was on the verge of tears when she felt herself becoming enclosed in warm arms. She closed her eyes, hoping that would make the tears disappear. On the contrary, her action made the tears plummet down her pale cheeks. Her body wasn't racking with sobs, but she was crying hard enough to soak the sleeve of Grissom's shirt. He rubbed her back soothingly as he whispered lovingly into her ear. It pained him to see her hurting. He rested his cheek on the top of her head as he held her.

Within a few minutes, the tears stopped. She dabbed her face dry before her cheeks flushed a slight crimson color. Grissom furrowed his brows at her embarrassment. She let out a sheepish smile before saying, "I'm sorry, I don't know what overcame me."

Grissom took her cold hand in his and said, "Sweetheart, you have nothing to be ashamed about. You're an amazing person in which bad things happened. Nobody deserved the life you had."

She smiled before she grabbed the diary again. Grissom halted her movements, telling her, "We don't have to continue. If you've had enough for today, we can stop."

She shook her head vigorously. She looked him in the eye as she said, "No, it won't matter if I read it today or tomorrow, it'll still have the same affect on me. I might as well get it over with."

He tentatively took his hand off of the diary. She opened the tattered cover and turned to the page where they had left off.

**October 25, 1984**

My first impression of this foster home was correct; Mr. and Mrs. Harris are violent. I first noticed it when I saw the bruises on the other foster kids' bodies. Whenever they are given a chore, they do it quickly yet diligently. They never speak unless spoken to and they never make eye contact. I think my stay here is going to be just like it was back home. The only difference was that Mom tried to defend me to her best abilities.

**October 26, 1984**

The Harris's don't let us have as much freedom...well, any freedom for that matter. Usually, after I've finished my chores and homework, I go hang out with friends or Josh and Jenna. They won't let me leave the house unless it's for school, or unless we're accompanied by one of them. I haven't been to the library at all yet, and I doubt I'll be there at all in the near future.

**October 28, 1984**

I got my ass whooped this evening. Mr. Harris said that I wasn't working fast enough because I was talking to another kid. This isn't true...I was washing the floor and I heard one of the kids bang something. I looked up to see what had happened. One of the younger ones banged their head into the table. I began to ask if they were okay, and at that moment Mr. Harris walked in. I could smell the alcohol rolling off of him in waves and I instantly knew what was coming. He began to shout at me and he began to hit me. I closed my eyes, hoping that my imagination would take me away from here, but alas, I felt everything. I had subconsciously curled into a fetal position during the beating, and when he finally walked away, I was still laying on the cool tile floor for several minutes afterwards.

I then felt somebody tapping on my shoulder. It was my roommate, a girl a little older than me. She looked around before telling me that I needed to get to my room and fast. She didn't need to tell me twice. I practically ran to my room. She followed me. She closed the door before locking it. She explained to me that after Mr. or Mrs. Harris was pissed it was best to just avoid them. I explained to her a bit about my past and told her that I was used to it. "Good," she had said, "then you know how to lie to teachers at school."

**October 29, 1984**

Today at school, I didn't really have to come up with an explanation about my injuries. I didn't have gym today (instead, I had Health) and I wore jeans and a sweatshirt. My clothes concealed most of the bruises and cuts, which I was thankful for. I was also grateful that Mr. Harris missed my face...those injuries tend to be the toughest to explain.

**October 31, 1984**

Happy Halloween! Not that it was very happy. Mr. Harris has now forced me to call him 'Sir', and Mrs. Harris to call her 'Ma'am'. If we don't call them by those names we suffer severe consequences.

**November 1, 1984**

I hate this new rule. I keep forgetting to call them 'Sir' or 'Ma'am'. I forgot to add 'Sir' to the end of my sentence after I spoke to him and he freaked out. He screamed at me and lectured me about respecting adults while he punched me. The beating wasn't as long as the last one, but he made a few marks on my face. My roommate, Jessica, helped me to come up with a convincing lie. Unfortunately, Mr. Harris requires us to tell him the lie we're going to be using at school. My lie is that I was riding horses and that the scratches are from stones and dirt flying up to hit my face. The bruises are from the horse kicking me because he freaked out when the dog began to bark.

**November 2, 1984**

People at school believed my lie...well except for Steven. He knew I wasn't being honest because he'd seen the bruises from when I lived with Mom and Dad. He pulled me aside and asked what was going on. I refused to tell him anything because he would tell my brother who would tell the social worker who would tell the Harris's. They'd put on a sweet, false smile and say that I was lying because I wanted attention and that I had gotten it from playing sports with the guys. I just told Steven that the real reason was because I got my ass whooped by the guys at my foster home and was too embarrassed to admit it. He didn't look convinced but left me alone.

**November 3, 1984**

I don't think Steven told anybody about his suspicions...yet.

**November 5, 1984**

That lying piece of shit DID tell my brother. As I predicted, Josh complained to the child services worker, who showed up at the house today. They forced all of the kids outside to play while the adults talked. I got together with Jessica and we played cards on the front porch so we could listen in on the conversation. My social services worker asked the Harris's some questions about how they treated the children. I was so tempted to say that they were lying when they said that they loved the children, but were strict because they wanted to kids to grow up to be respectable adults. The social worker believed them, but called me in to verify. I sat down apprehensively before I began to answer their questions. At the Harris's menacing look, I gave the answers that the social worker wanted to hear. I should've spoken up...maybe if I had Mr. Harris would've flipped out and began to beat me and then I'd be taken away from this place.

**November 6, 1984**

I completely flipped out on Steven today. I screamed at him that everything was GREAT at the foster home, and he should've kept his mouth shut. He told me that he just wanted to make sure that everything was REALLY okay...and judging by my response he knew that his suspicions were correct. He really is a good friend, but he could've saved me a beating if wouldn't have said anything.

**November 8, 1984**

Life here hasn't gotten any better yet. When Mr. and Mrs. Harris are sober, they aren't too bad, but every night, they sit in their living room and drink themselves stupid. Then, if we're not doing the chores quick enough, or we didn't get to bed early enough, they'd hit us. That's what happened tonight. I had homework to do, but it was bedtime. I got a flashlight and did it as quickly as I could, but I guess Mr. Harris heard me or saw the light and screamed at me. I hate this house!

**November 9, 1984**

I haven't visited Josh, Jenna, or Tony in over two weeks! I'm going to try and meet them at the library, but usually Mrs. Harris accompanies me there. For now, I have Steven drop off little letters to them and he gives them to me during school. He doesn't mind it, but of course I had to make something up when he asked why I couldn't just go and visit them myself. I told him that my new foster parents are much stricter than my previous one, which isn't technically a lie. The Harris's are definitely strict.

**November 11, 1984**

I am so sore today. Mr. Harris made me clean the whole house, top to bottom, until he was satisfied. I guess this was my punishment for alerting the social services worker to their house...or for doing my homework when I was supposed to be in bed. I couldn't eat, I couldn't get a drink, they only let me go to the bathroom when I begged...I had to stay on my hands and knees the whole time like a slave. Incase they missed the memo, President Lincoln freed the slaves over a century ago!

**November 12, 1984**

Steven and Sam broke up. He said that she wanted to go further in their relationship, but he wanted it to remain steady. He didn't seem to upset, but Sam is pissed. She won't talk to him, she ignores him, she's spreading rumors, and she always tries to trip him in the hallways. Steven doesn't particularly care; if she wants to act like a child, he'll let her. Since they broke up, Steven and I have been talking a lot more, and hanging out more (well, as much as Harris will let me.)

**November 14, 1984**

I finally had to tell Steven what was happening at the foster home. I don't even know how he figured it out! I tell the same lie to everyone, even him! Somehow he looked right at my wide smile and still knew something was wrong.

Steven promised not to say anything to the police, but advised me to. I told him I couldn't because I'd get the crap kicked out of me. I showed him the bruises that were concealed underneath my clothes and explained that this is what happened whenever we did something wrong. He sighed and told me that if I told somebody, none of it would happen anymore.

**November 16, 1984**

I'm so hungry. My foster parents somehow separated me from the rest of the kids and decided that they're going to give me "special" treatment. They haven't fed me at all today. They're refusing to give me lunch money for school, and they're locking up all the food. Hopefully somebody will share something with me tomorrow.

**November 17, 1984**

Steven let me have some of his meal today at lunch. I just told him that the Harris's were lowering my rations of food, which technically is the truth. He seemed to notice I was lying again, so it'll only be a matter of time until he asks me for the truth. I know I should trust him with my personal life, but I just don't want him to pity me...God knows I have enough people doing that.

**November 20, 1984**

So far I've lost nearly five pounds! That's not healthy! I don't have enough energy anymore, and I've always got a constant stomach ache. Steven's doing the best he can, but it's just not enough. He told me he's going to try and pack a lunch for me and buy his own lunch.

**November 22, 1984**

The Harris's have finally agreed to feed me breakfast and dinner. Sure, it's tiny morsels, but it's a lot better than nothing.

**November 24, 1984**

Mr. Harris is really beginning to scare me. He keeps on watching me, particularly when I'm bent over cleaning. I can hear him murmuring to himself that I'm a gorgeous young woman and that "they got a good one" when my child services worker dropped me off here. I've locked the door to my room (my roommate agrees with me) just incase if he gets any funny ideas at night.

--

Sara sighed and was beginning to read more diary entries when Grissom stopped her. She saw the empathy in his eyes as he asked the question she knew was coming.

"Sara, did he rape you?"

* * *

**A/N 3:** Big-ish cliffhanger, but you'll have to wait until I finish the next chapter. Please leave a review...it would really brighten my day!


	14. Chapter 13

**Dear Diary:**

Chapter 13

**Disclaimer:** I do not own CSI.

**Spoilers:** Anything aired in the US is fair game.

**Summary:** Whilst cleaning, Sara and Grissom stumble upon Sara's old diary. Her past then becomes an open book. GSR

**A/N:** This story may sound similar to CSI Supervisor's story _Sara's Diary_, but believe me, it's a complete coincidence that our stories have similar topics. We both are writing completely different things though.

**A/N 2:** This was beta'd by me, myself, and I. Enjoy!

* * *

"Sara, did he rape you?"

Those words lingered in the air like a dense fog. Sara chewed her bottom lip as the memories flooded back to her. Grissom read her face, instantly knowing the answer, and sighed. Sara glared up at him and asked, "What, do you think I _wanted_ to get raped by that creep? Do you think I did _nothing_ to prevent it?"

"No, honey, I–" Grissom started, but was cut off.

Sara flipped forward a few pages and cried, "Look, _December 4, 1984: I don't feel safe in this house anymore! I want out! Harris crept into my room and raped me last night! I'm so sore and I feel filthy all over! Men are now making me feel uneasy and now I keep looking over my shoulder to make sure I'm alone!_ Happy now, Gil?!"

Tears were rocketing down her face as she read from the diary. Grissom sat there, shell-shocked. She had already been raped before by her father, but now her foster father did it as well. He hadn't meant to upset her, either.

"Oh honey, I'm sorry," he murmured as he gathered her up into his strong embrace. "I'm so sorry."

She seemed to cry harder at this. She was gripping his shirt as if she would drown without his support. He buried his face in the nape of her neck, taking in her scent, and cradled her closely. He whispered to her soothingly until her sobs subsided to occasional sniffles. Sara kept her head buried in her husband's shoulder. She was afraid to meet his eye, embarrassed and ashamed about what happened. She knew it was dumb to be ashamed, but she was.

"Honey, I didn't mean to upset you like that," Grissom whispered.

Sara nodded, showing him she understood.

They sat there like that for several minutes. Grissom then felt Sara's mouth moving against his chest and a muffled sound. He pulled back. He looked down at her ask he asked, "Sorry, I didn't catch that."

"Keep reading," she said, settling herself back down into his chest.

Grissom sighed and said, "Sweetheart, I don't think that's the best thing for you right now."

"Please," she half-begged. "For me?"

He couldn't resist her bright brown eyes. He took in a breath as he wrapped one arm around his wife. The other arm was holding the diary.

**November 25, 1984**

So far, Mr. Harris hasn't tried to sneak into my room at night. I just got the news that Jess will be moved to a new home. I hope that Harris won't do anything to me when she's gone.

**November 27, 1984**

Well, tonight is Jessica's last night. She was treated no differently, she was required to do her chores and nobody said goodbye or anything. I'm going to miss her...she's a funny kid, and has a nice, bubbly personality, despite being in this hellhole.

**November 29, 1984**

Thanksgiving was yesterday. We didn't do anything special. We didn't even have a huge feast like normal people...we ate our usual rations and completed our chores. The Harris's we in a good mood because nobody got a beating today.

**December 1, 1984**

Mr. Harris has begun to cut my rations again. He tells me that I'd look even prettier if I were thinner. What the hell? I'm already skinny enough as it is! I barely weigh 80 pounds! Even my school nurse and gym teacher are telling my I need to gain a bit more weight...I am not liking what Harris is up to.

**December 3, 1984**

I am SO hungry! The only meal I can eat is lunch at school, and the only thing Mr. Harris will give me money for is a small salad! My friends are trying to help out, but I swear Harris KNOWS whenever I ate something other than vegetation! This isn't fair!

**December 4, 1984**

I don't feel safe in this house anymore! I want out! Harris crept into my room and raped me last night! I'm so sore and I feel filthy all over! Men are making me feel uneasy and now I keep looking over my shoulder to make sure I'm alone!

**December 5, 1984**

Steven has noticed how skittish I am...at least I think he's noticed. Every time he tries to sit next to me, I creep a few inches away; when he talks to me suddenly, I jump; and I think he's noticed my red, puffy eyes. He's tried to talk to me about it, but I'm afraid to tell him. I just want people to leave me alone!

**December 7, 1984**

I finally called the police about what was happening in the house. Mr. Harris was pounding on the door (I remembered to lock the door tonight) and waited for him to leave. Once I heard him leave, I waited a few moments and opened the door. I found him passed out on the floor, and Mrs. Harris was snoring in bed. I quickly ran to the kitchen and called for the police. The actually came rather quickly...I just had to make sure the Harris's stayed asleep when they pounded on the door. Mrs. Harris woke up after I let them in...I'm not quite sure what happened after that. The rest of the kids and I were forced to go into the basement while the police questioned Mr. and Mrs. Harris. A nice women police officer came down and got us.

**December 8, 1984**

That lady police officer took all of us to a shelter for the night, and now all of our social workers are working to place us into a foster home. My social services worker kept on asking me why I didn't tell her the truth. I didn't really talk with her...if I told her I was raped, she'd definitely make me talk to a psychiatrist, and I REALLY don't want to do that.

**December 9, 1984**

My social worker couldn't find anyone to take me in tonight, so I'm still at the orphanage shelter for girls. We sleep on these little cots with ratty blankets and have very little privacy and everyone want to root through my stuff. I don't like it here.

**December 10, 1984**

The child services worker finally found me a home with an elderly-ish couple, the Fishers. They're both in their mid fifties but really nice. There are three other girls in the house, Abby, Sam, and Stephanie. Abby's sixteen and Sam's fourteen, they're both really nice girls. Little Stephanie is four and adorable. They're all very open, so I'm sure nothing too traumatic happened to them...my goal is to find out why they're here.

**December 12, 1984**

Things are really good here with the Fishers. Mrs. Fisher is very grandmotherly and Mr. Fisher loves hanging out with the kids and going to the park with Steph. I think Sam is involved with some people she shouldn't be, but who am I to stop her? I've seen her hanging out with all of the drug-users in the school and she smokes. I just hope she's smart about it.

**December 14, 1984**

I finally was able to visit Josh and Jenna this afternoon. Tony was so excited to see me he would barely leave my side! I read to him, took him to the park, played puzzles with him, and listened as he chattered baby-talk at me. He's so adorable! His hair is so dark, it looks almost black, and his skin is tan, like his mom's, and his brown eyes just make me melt! He's definitely going to break some hearts when he gets older.

**December 15, 1984**

Steven asked me to be his girlfriend...I said no. He looked so disappointed and I told him that I didn't want to wreck the friendship we had. He seemed to accept my answer, but who knows? Only time will tell.

--

Sara stifled a yawn, and Grissom gazed down at her. She could barely keep her eyes open, and she had her head resting on his shoulder. He marked their place in the book and gently set it on the coffee table. He rubbed her shoulders soothingly and leaned down to kiss the top of her head. She looked up at him through tired eyes and smiled. She sighed as she stood up and walked into Grissom's arms. She was exhausted all of a sudden and felt too weak to walk.

"Honey, are you okay?" he asked, worry etch across his face.

She nodded and said, "M-hmm, just really tired is all."

Grissom wrapped his arm around her waist and walked with her to their bedroom. She changed into pajama pants and a tank top before slipping into bed. Grissom stripped down to his boxers and slithered in next to her. Sara immediately curled up beside him and rested her head on her husband's shoulder. She closed her eyes and within moments her breathing was slow and shallow. Grissom looked into her peaceful face before slipping into a deep sleep as well.

* * *

**A/N 3:** I am so sorry for the late update, and for the short chapter. I promise to update this weekend, so you'll get more soon. Hope you liked it and I hope you're still interested.


	15. Chapter 14

**Dear Diary:**

Chapter 14

**Disclaimer:** I do not own CSI.

**Spoilers:** Anything aired in the US is fair game.

**Summary:** Whilst cleaning, Sara and Grissom stumble upon Sara's old diary. Her past then becomes an open book. GSR

**A/N:** This story may sound similar to CSI Supervisor's story _Sara's Diary_, but believe me, it's a complete coincidence that our stories have similar topics. We both are writing completely different things though.

**A/N 2:** This was beta'd by me, myself, and I. Enjoy!

* * *

Sara's eyes opened and she was met with a sudden bout of nausea. She groaned, hoping if she went back to sleep her stomach would settle...she was wrong. She barely made it to the toilet before she emptied her stomach contents. She coughed up the meal she had eaten last night. Her elbow rested on the rim of the toilet seat as she held her brown locks of hair away from the vomit. She suddenly felt a warm hand on the middle of her back. The hand rubbed her back comfortingly as she continued to be sick.

A few moments later, she stood up and flushed the remnants of the vomit down the toilet. She walked over to the sink and rinsed her mouth out with cold water. She then grabbed her toothbrush and toothpaste and brushed her teeth before she grabbed the Listerine and rinsed her mouth out again.

"Sara, are you okay?"

"Gil, I'm fine," she said.

He wasn't convinced. Sara sighed and went back into their bedroom. He followed her and sat down on the bed. She sat down next to him, looked him in the eye, and repeated firmly, "I'm fine."

"I'm worried about you," he said softly. "Last night you were hit with sudden exhaustion, you just threw up now, you're really pale, you're–"

"I'm sure it's just a bug going around," Sara said.

Grissom pursed his lips before laying his hand on her forehead. It felt fine to him. He had another possibility of what it could be, and timidly asked, "Sara, when was the last time you had your period?"

Sara snapped her head around to look at him in shock. She glared at him as she answered, "Gil, we've only decided to stop using protection the other day. We've only made love once without protection, but I wasn't ovulating then."

"Sara, you know condoms aren't one hundred percent reliable."

"No, we are NOT pregnant!" she said stubbornly, but her heart began to beat faster as she tried to remember when she had had her period last.

Grissom held his hands up in front of him in a surrendering gesture. He said, "Sweetheart, I was only stating another possibility."

Sara sighed and massaged her temples.

"I'll buy a test after work tonight," she murmured.

Grissom wrapped her in his arms and rocked her slowly. He looked into her face and noticed how tired she still looked.

"Honey, you should try and sleep some more," he said. "You look exhausted. I'll lay with you."

"Could you do something for me?"

He nodded and she said, "Could you read to me again?"

Even though he would have preferred her to just sleep, he complied. He fetched the diary and settled into bed next to her. He flipped open to the page where they left off and continued to read.

**December 17, 1984**

Steven's still disappointed that I rejected his invitation to be his girlfriend. I explained to him again that I was still insecure with men, but even more so that I didn't want to wreck the strong friendship we have. If something were to go wrong in our relationship, I don't want to not speak to him ever again.

**December 18, 1984**

I think Steven's beginning to forgive me. He invited me over to his house (surprisingly, my foster parents agreed) after school. My curfew is eight thirty, so that gave us plenty of time to just hang out. We rode horses, played with the dogs, played some card games, played some board games, and just talked. I like being at his house; his parents are so nice. Oh, I just found out, his mother is expecting a baby. Steven's thrilled, even though it was unexpected. I think he'll be an amazing big brother.

**December 20, 1984**

Steven and I are back to being buddies again. He told me that he understands why I said no, and is now a little thankful I did. He cherishes our friendship as well. His mother is about nine weeks pregnant and so far everything's going well. I hope she doesn't miscarry like Jenna did.

**December 21, 1984**

Everything's going great so far. Only four more days till Christmas!! Josh and Jenna have gotten me a lot of gifts...I told them they didn't have to, but they said they wanted to. I got to help them decorate the Christmas tree. It looks so pretty! There are so many lights and decorations and Tony was so cute! He kept on trying to chew the ornaments.

**December 22, 1984**

Tomorrow is the last day of school until the Christmas break! I can't wait to just get away from school.

I like my new foster home...the foster parents are really nice and aren't very strict. We have to keep our rooms clean and help with chores, but they don't mind what we do as long as it doesn't involve something illegal or the police. I can go over to Steven's and my brother's house whenever I please as long as my homework is done and as long as I'm home by eight thirty. I went over to Steven's again and we're beginning to come up with a project for the Science Fair. We're not quite sure what we want to do yet...we'd like to try something that's never been done before, but we're not sure.

**December 24, 1984**

Christmas is tomorrow! I'm so excited!! My foster parents are allowing me to sleep over at my brother's house, which shocked the hell out of me. I thought they would've said no, but would allow me to spend the day with them tomorrow. However, I am really happy they said yes.

**December 25, 1984**

Josh and Jenna got me so much stuff! They got me an assortment of books, new clothes, and gave me fifty dollars! I told them they didn't need to get me anything, but they insisted that I get something. They are so generous, I love them so much!

**December 26, 1984**

I love not having school for over a week. This break is always welcome!

**December 27, 1984**

On one hand I love this time of year, but on the other, I don't. Winter equals flu season, and I think I'm getting one. I'm achy all over, my head hurts, my nose is stuffy, by throat is sore, and I can't stop coughing. I'm constantly cold and I have a fever. Being sick sucks!

**December 30, 1984**

I'm sick of being sick! Seriously, I just want to curl up somewhere and die! I haven't left my bed except to pee and get a shower! If I'm not curled up in bed, I'm curled up on the couch. I haven't spoken to Josh, Jenna, or Steven for several days. I just want this virus to go away!

**December 31, 1984**

I'm hoping for a happy 1985. I'm actually going to try and stay up until midnight, but I'm not sure how well that'll work.

It's almost midnight...it's 11:58. All of the kids are sitting around the TV, waiting as the announcer will be counting down in just a few minutes. They all think I'm weird for writing in this diary while so much is happening on the television set. Oh, here we go... 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!

**January 1, 1985**

Well, I am dead tired, I'm going to bed.

I had slept in until noon! I must've been much more tired than I thought. Well, I went to Josh and Jenna's again. I'm still not feeling normal again, but it's good enough to where I can actually leave my bed. Tony is still adorable as always and is just constantly jabbering away...I can't understand half of it, but it's so cute! And he's always smiling, even when nothing has happened. I love him to death.

**January 3, 1985**

School started up again. Steven and I will be registering for the Science Fair in a few days. We're still not sure what we're doing for the project. Well, we've got another week to decide what experiment we're going to do.

**January 4, 1985**

Aww, we just found out that my History teacher proposed to my gym teacher! I'm a teacher's pet and my History teacher loves me, so I managed to get most of the details. After getting permission from her father, he went to my gym teacher's house and they went out to take a walk since it was unseasonably warm out. They went down to the beach where they walked along the shore and according to him, they stopped to gaze out upon some dolphins that were jumping out of the water. He then wrapped his arms around her and said how beautiful the sight was, but she was even more beautiful. He then said some more positives about her, before kneeling down and asking her to marry him.

This sound so cute and romantic! I hope that if I ever get married, my husband will make a cute proposal.

**January 5, 1985**

I had gym today and we were playing Frisbee. Our teacher got hit in the head with a Frisbee...the Frisbee I threw. I felt terrible. She clutched her face in her hands I instantly rushed over to her, swearing. When she pulled her hands away, I saw the blood running into her eye from a long, deep gash on the top of her forehead. I didn't think I threw it that hard, but my friends tell me I do tend to throw it a little hard. Since I was the one who injured her, I escorted her to the Infirmary, apologizing the whole way. A bruise was forming and the blood was still flowing freely, plus it was swelling.

The nurse stitched her up and sent her home. I felt terrible...after school, I went up to my History class and began apologizing to him. He calmed me down and told me that it could happen to anyone. He assured me that the gym teacher wouldn't be mad, but I still felt rotten.

**January 6, 1985**

Now I feel even worse. The gym teacher came in this morning, and her left eye was swollen shut, it was severely bruised, and it was stitched shut. The wound looked terrible. It looked like someone punched her with a ring on...that's what my injuries looked like when my dad hit me with a ring on. I apologized over and over and over again, but she assured me that she was fine and that it was okay.

**January 8, 1985**

We were playing Frisbee again in gym and I was so cautious about throwing the Frisbee that I gently lobbed it to someone a foot from me. At the end of class, the teacher pulled be aside and talked to me about it. She told me to play the way I used to and that she'd pay more attention. She's really nice, and isn't upset at all over what happened.

**January 10, 1985**

Today was our last day of Frisbee in gym. I didn't hurt anybody today...but I was the one who got hurt. We were playing inside the gym and I went for a long pass and I caught it...unfortunately, the wall was closer than I thought it was. I smashed right into it, crashing my head into it. I was knocked out, and I woke up in the hospital. They said I have a severe concussion and I have one hell of a bruise. Frisbee obviously isn't a safe sport for me.

**January 11, 1984**

Boy, do I have a headache. My head was throbbing today, so my foster parents told me I didn't have to attend school today. I mainly watched TV and slept.

--

Grissom was about to begin reading the next diary entry, but a soft snore alerted him to Sara's sleeping form. He couldn't help but smile at her. How long she had been asleep, he had no clue. He gently untangled himself from her form and she curled up in bed. He laid the diary on the night stand beside him and gazed upon her sleeping face. She looked so delicate and peaceful when she was asleep. He sighed contentedly before he slipped beside her and fell asleep.

* * *

**A/N 3:** Okay, so I didn't get a chance to post it this weekend, but isn't Tuesday close enough? Hope you liked this chapter!


	16. Chapter 15

**Dear Diary:**

Chapter 15

**Disclaimer:** I do not own CSI, nor do I own the characters that I use...three of which aren't even in the show anymore

**Spoilers:** Anything aired in the US is fair game.

**Summary:** Whilst cleaning, Sara and Grissom stumble upon Sara's old diary. Her past then becomes an open book. GSR

**A/N: **This was betaed by me, myself, and I. Enjoy!

* * *

_A little blue-eyed, brown-haired baby girl smiled broadly at Sara. The infant was perhaps maybe a year old and stood up shakily. The girl took a few steps towards Sara and began to wobble. Sara instantly ran forward to catch the baby so she wouldn't fall and hurt herself. But just as Sara reached for the girl, a dark figure appeared wearing jeans and a black hoodie. The figure grabbed the little girl before she fell. Concern flooded through Sara. She walked up to the stranger. The baby was struggling. When the infant saw Sara approaching, she whimpered, "Mama!"_

_That word froze Sara in her tracks. Now that she looked at the baby, she did look like a combination of Gil and herself. Now that she realized that a complete stranger was holding her baby, a feeling of maternal protection coursed through her. She walked up to the stranger, her arms outstretched, and said, "Can I please have my daughter."_

_"Mama!" the baby whined again, reaching out for her mother._

_"Please give her to me," Sara said firmly._

_The figure cackled demonically. His grip on the baby tightened, resulting in the infant to begin crying. Anger bubbled up inside Sara._

_"Let her go!"_

_"Make me," he said coldly, still laughing._

_Suddenly, the man pulled out a knife and slit the baby's throat. Blood gushed everywhere and all over Sara. She screamed as she was sprayed with the hot liquid._

Sara jolted awake, covered in a cold sweat. She looked at her shaking hands. They were not covered in blood like they had been in her dream. Her stomach was twisting and churning and she felt sick. She thought that if she just sat there it would go away...it didn't. She dashed for the toilet and emptied her stomach. Tears blurred her vision as she pictured the dead baby. In the other room, she heard the alarm going off, and Grissom turned it off.

"Sara?" she heard him ask.

Grissom saw the light on in the bathroom. Hoping that she was okay, he quickly walked into the bathroom. He saw her hunched over the toilet and instantly walked up to her side. He squatted next to her and gently stroked her back soothingly. His heart ached with sympathy. He could do nothing for her except sit there and comfort her. It didn't feel like enough, though.

"Sara, are you okay?" he asked her when she finally stopped vomiting. She was pale white and clammy. There were dark circles under her eyes and she looked exhausted.

"I'm fine," she lied, her voice quivering. That gave her away, and he just gave her a pointed look. "I had a bad dream."

"Do you wanna tell me about it?" he asked.

Sara bit her lip and shook her head. Grissom, respecting her choice, nodded and let it go. He helped her up and into the shower. He joined her moments later and held her while the water sprayed down upon their bodies. Sara had her hands interlocked with her husband's. Their intertwined hands were, unconsciously, resting on the firm skin of Sara's abdomen. The couple only stepped out from under the spray when the water got cold.

"Sara, you don't have to come in to work today," he said. "You were sick this morning. You can stay home and just relax."

Sara shook her head and said, "No, I'd just get bored."

The finality in her tone ended the conversation. The two drove to work, which seemed to fly by, unfortunately. They were investigating the murder of a two year old boy. The parents had dropped him off at the babysitter's house, as usual, and left for work. They came to pick him up after work and found the little boy lying in a pool of his own blood. His skull was shattered and had lacerated his brain. He was dead within minutes. The babysitter was found in the kitchen, dead from a gunshot wound to the temple. They were searching for a ghost. There was basically no evidence. No bloody shoeprints, fingerprints, hair, fibers, anything.

"This son of a bitch has disappeared into thin air!" Nick growled at the end of shift. "How in the hell can one person kill two people and disappear without a trace. There is _nothing_ in the scene or on the bodies."

"Yeah, but you're not the one who has to meet with the parents of that baby to tell them we have nothing," Grissom sighed. "I've got a meeting with them in a few minutes to discuss how the case is going."

"Good luck," said Catherine. "In the meantime, we all should head home and get some rest. We'll come back tomorrow and look at it with fresh eyes."

The team diverged and went their separate ways. Sara followed Grissom to his office, where they were expecting the grieving parents. Sara was pouring over the crime scene photos, desperately trying to find something they missed. But the scene was spotless, as if all of this had just happened of its own accord. Grissom sat beside her, absentmindedly stroking her back. A knock at the door forced them apart. Sara let in the parents.

"Mr. and Mrs. David," Grissom greeted somberly. "Please, have a seat. I take it you're wondering how the investigation is going? Before we begin, I must offer you my sympathies; I am so sorry for your loss."

The two just nodded. Mrs. David looked like a wreck; her eyes were puffy and red from crying, and she looked exhausted. Mr. David just looked exhausted and on the verge of an emotional breakdown.

"I want to assure you that we have every possible person working on this case," Sara offered gently from her place on the couch. "I know nothing can ease a pain such as this, but some comfort can be provided with answers."

"Do you have kids, Ms..."

"Grissom...Mrs. Grissom," Sara answered.

"Mrs. Grissom," said Mrs. David. "Do you have any children?"

Grissom thought he saw a look of pain cross her features as she answered no.

"Then you can't possible imagine how we feel," she replied. "Justin was our life. And now he's gone, it feels as though the world is ending. That there's just no reason to live anymore if he won't be here to live it with us."

"We just need to know what you have," said Mr. David, interrupting his wife's little rant. "Please, we need to know how this is progressing...and when we can take our son home to bury him."

"I'm afraid you can't take Justin home until our investigation is finished," Grissom said gently. "I know this is hard to hear, but your son's body is the best evidence we have at the moment."

Their meeting continued for a few more minutes. Grissom and Sara couldn't disclose anything about an open investigation, much to the dismay of the parents. When the Davids finally left, Grissom and Sara went home. They were both exhausted from the night's case, but were reluctant to go to bed. They both knew that little Justin would haunt their dreams, and neither of them were in the mood. They both decided to just curl up on their bed, holding each other. The closed diary was next to Grissom, and Sara pointed to it.

"Read it to me," Sara sighed. "I need to get my mind off of today."

**January 12, 1985**

I went back to school today. A lot of people were inquiring about my bruise, and we began basketball in gym. It was a lot safer than Frisbee, but I still managed to get elbowed in the ribs. After gym class, the teacher came up to me and jokingly asked if I had bad luck, or was just accident-prone. I cheekily answered both before walking to my next class. My foster parents, Mr. and Mrs. Fisher, are letting my spend more and more time out of their house. Their explanation was that kids should grow up normally, and preteens would normally spend time with friends after the school day. I went to Steven's house to discuss what we were going to do for our Science Fair experiment. We finally settled on the effects of nicotine - like in cigarettes - on plants. We're going to burn cigarettes around plants and have Steven's father smoke them. Since he smokes regularly, he was all for helping us with our experiment. He told me that it was a nasty habit, but if it helped, he'd be the first in line. The Science Fair has been pushed back to March 11th, so we have awhile.

**January 15, 1985**

I've been spending a lot of time with Steven. We gathered our money and bought seven plants. We've put them in identical conditions and will give them the same amount of plant fertilizer, sunlight, temperature, and water. We're giving plant 1 absolutely no nicotine exposure, plant 2 one cigarette a day, plant 3 two cigarettes a day, plant 4 three cigarettes a day, plant 5 four cigarettes, and plant 6 five cigarettes daily. For plant 7, we're going to give it round-the-clock nicotine exposure. We've got a little contraption set up that will light up a new cigarette every ten minutes. We wrote out our hypothesis that plant 1 would do the best because it had the least amount of nicotine exposure and plant 7 would do the worse because it had the most. Seems like it'll work.

**January 18, 1985**

I should seriously drop out of gym. I have the most amount of bad luck possible. I'm semi-athletic, but I just seem to be in the worst place at the worse time. A person passed me the basketball when I wasn't even looking and it nailed my lip. I wasn't even aware I was bleeding until all of the girls began to freak out and I saw the blood droplets on the floor. The directionality of the drops was so fascinating...I'm thinking I want to go into the line of work where I have to deal with blood. Anyway, I wound up having a split lip. Our teacher, Miss Martin, walked me to the nurse as I held a paper towel to my lip. She talked to me as we walked, joking about how I should get bonus points for being the student who bled the most during our classes. I smiled slightly. Miss Martin's eye was still bruised and swollen. I'm surprised everybody just doesn't avoid me.

**January 21, 1985**

My lip is healing rather nicely. Josh keeps making fun of me...calling me "Grace" sarcastically. I had glared at him, and he told me that I looked exactly like Dad when I was mad. I don't think he even meant to sat it; I think it slipped. Even though he apologized profusely afterwards, it still stung a little. My father is the last person I want to be compared to.

**January 23, 1985**

Our experiment is going well. So far, our hypothesis is proving to be accurate; plant 1 is thriving whereas plant 7 is looking yellow-ish and unhealthy. Steven and I are taking photographs of the plants each day and documenting the mass and height of the plants twice a day. This is a fun experiment.

**January 29, 1985**

We got our report cards today at school; all A's, as usual. I'm still a bit wary that I'm passing the classes with flying colors, but there is no way I could skip another grade. Sure, I'm smart enough, but I've made so many friends. I don't want to leave them all, plus I'd have to make up all of the credits I'd miss if I moved up to ninth grade. I'll just stay put and ride it out.

**February 2, 1985**

We got course selection papers today. Steven and I sat together to decide which classes to take next year. I'm signing Honors Science, Honors Geometry, Honors Algebra 2, Honors English, Spanish 2, Social Studies, and Gym/Health. Too bad I can't take an AP history course...ninth graders are required to take the social studies class. But I took as many advanced courses as possible. Honors courses are the highest you can get and are weighted, meaning that if you get an A, your GPA can go above a 4.0. I'm so excited to start those.

**February 5, 1985**

Tony is getting cuter by the minute. He's sixteen months old and growing like a weed. It looks like he's going to have his father's build - tall and lanky. I spent the day with Tony; thank God for Saturdays. I took him to the park since it was unseasonably warm out. He had so much fun racing around and playing on the playground equipment. While I was playing with him, an elderly couple passed me and I heard them mumbling to each other that it was a shame that I had a child at such a young age. They had believed that Tony was my son instead of my nephew! I refrained from correcting them, but instead smiled widely at them.

**February 6, 1985**

I turned in my course selection sheet to the office today; I hope I get all the classes I chose.

**February 13, 1985**

Yay, Friday the Thirteenth. I usually don't believe in superstition, but I'm starting to believe. Today I dropped my school binder and all of the papers went sprawling, I completely failed a pop quiz in History class, and I had yet another gym injury. We moved on to rock climbing...as soon as she mentioned rock climbing, I knew some other ailment would impale me. I was climbing up the rock wall while my spotter was beneath me. She helped me find my footing when needed and was hooked to the other end of the pulley in case I fell. Well, I did fall and apparently she didn't tie the knot correctly. The ropes became undone and I began to fall. I was only up about twenty feet, but it still was nasty. I heard the sickening crunch before I felt it. A searing pain slashed through my left arm as I crumpled on the floor. The class rushed over to me and formed a circle while the teacher called for the nurse.

I told everybody I was fine...until I saw my arm. It was severely swollen and bruised. It was sticking out in funky angles and it killed to move. I walked with the teacher up to the nurse; the boy's physical education teacher took over for Miss Martin. She sat with me while the nurse examined my arm. I had hissed out a string of profanities as she prodded it. She suggested I go to the emergency room and that she believed I made have shattered it. Miss Martin sat with me while we waited for the ambulance. She told me I should be wrapped in bubble wrap from now on.

I went to the hospital and got my arm x-rayed. Of course it was broken. It had splintered into a dozen different pieces and I would need surgery to correct the damage. My surgery is scheduled for tomorrow and they'll be putting a plate in with several screws to hold it in place.

**February 15, 1985**

The surgery was successful, but my arm is in pain constantly. I've been prescribed so many different pain meds and none of them seem to be working at their regular doses, so I've been taking three pills instead of two. But the Fishers don't know that, so it's just between you and me, dear diary.

--

Grissom gazed over at Sara. She was smiling faintly at the memory. Grissom's eyes were averted from her face to her bare arm. He saw a surgical scar on her left forearm that extended from her wrist almost to her elbow. He had never inquired about it until now.

"Is that scar from your accident?"

Sara looked at it and grinned. She nodded and poked at it. She flexed her wrist unconsciously and nestled herself into her husband's arms. Grissom wrapped his arms around her small frame, shaking his head. He wished he could have been there when she was a child so he could soothe her pain, or at least comfort her. And then he remembered; she had Steven to do that back then.

* * *

**A/N 2:** Well, long time no see. I don't really have an excuse for the delay in this chapter, just that I had a major writer's block and for the life of me couldn't write anything. Hope you still enjoy with, and I apologize greatly for the delay.


	17. Chapter 16

**Dear Diary:**

Chapter 16

**Disclaimer:** I do not own CSI, nor do I own the characters that I use...three of which aren't even in the show anymore.

**Spoilers:** Anything aired in the US is fair game.

**Summary:** Whilst cleaning, Sara and Grissom stumble upon Sara's old diary. Her past then becomes an open book. GSR

**A/N: **This was betaed by me, myself, and I. Enjoy!

* * *

Sara curled up closer to her husband as he turned his gaze back to the diary.

**February 17, 1985**

This cast is very annoying. It's so bulky and my arm is throbbing because it's so tightly wrapped. I'm going back to school tomorrow...I wonder what everyone will say.

**February 18, 1985**

Everybody wanted to sign my cast, as usual. My teachers even signed it, and my gym teacher even wrote me a little note, saying I needed to be careful. I'm excused from gym for the next couple of weeks until my arm heals. Josh and Jenna also are telling me to be careful; they told me that if I'm not careful, I'll wind up dead in a ditch somewhere.

**February 20, 1985**

Steven and I are still working hard on our project. He, at first, wanted to do the measurements and record them so I didn't strain myself, but after I threatened to kick his ass, he sobered up. We take turns measuring and recording...today was my turn to record our results. We also take turns documenting our experiment via photographs...it was Steven's turn today. After our experimenting, I just hung out with Steven and his family. We took care of the animals; I did what I could, damn my stupid arm! We then played with his dogs, Sky and Spark. I've missed playing with these two. It was so much fun just being able to watch them streak across the fields, chasing whatever it was that we threw.

**February 22, 1985**

I went to visit my brother, sister-in-law, and nephew after I got my chores finished. Nothing new is really going on... it's just the same as always.

**February 28, 1985**

Again, there's nothing going on, really. Steven and I are working hard on the Science Fair project, and we're almost finished. Our experiment is going to end March 4th, so we'll have a week to get everything together and rehearse our presentation.

**March 2, 1985**

Only two more days of Science Fair experimenting. We're already beginning to set up our poster for the presentation. Some of the photographs are splashed across the board to perk people's interest, but we have them all stashed inside an envelope for us to use during the presentation. We've glued our hypothesis to the board, but we still have to make graphs and charts for the board after our experiment is completely finished.

**March 6, 1985**

Steven and I are working hard to get everything we need onto the poster. We've made graphs showing the height and weight of the plants throughout the experiment. As we suspected, plant 1 flourished and plant 7 is not looking healthy at all. The other plants in between are looking okay. Plants 2 and 3 are looking semi-healthy, plant 4 looks okay, and plants 5 and 6 just don't look good, but not as bad and plant 7. Hopefully we'll do well in the Science Fair.

**March 10, 1985**

Tomorrow is the big day. A lot of the teachers are wishing us luck, especially my gym and history teachers. My Science teacher, Mr. Wilson, is offering both Steven and I extra credit for, a) signing up for Science Fair in the first place, and b) if we place first, second, or third. I'm hoping we do okay, especially for a pair of thirteen year olds. Well, semi-thirteen year olds; Steven is still twelve.

**March 12, 1985**

Steven and I did really well, we placed second, which still isn't bad. The first place winner experimented with sound vibrations and building collapses. Older buildings are at more risk of collapsing because they haven't been checked for damages recently. Apparently, sound vibrations are enough to shake the building to the point where the screws begin to unwind and the building just collapses. It was a very ingenious project. Steven and I were awarded five points of extra credit for signing up for the science fair and fifteen points for placing second. That boosted by science grade up to a 151 percent!

**March 14, 1985**

The school's spelling bee is coming up, and my English teacher practically forced me to sign up. She gave me a list of words to study, and study them, I shall. There are words like amoeba, quixotic, criteria, misanthrope, poignancy, grotesque, diagnosis, et cetera. They're all fairly simple. I _should_ have no trouble with them.

**March 20, 1985**

The spelling bee is tonight, and I think I'm ready. Steven didn't want to sign up, so he left me all alone to face the crowd. But he told me he'd attend tonight...he better have kept his promise. And Josh and Jenna said they'd come to watch me. I better not screw up.

**March 21, 1985**

I did great. I finished in first place, with the winning word being homogenized. It was between me and this guy for about ten minutes until he screwed up on the word colleague. I was pretty excited. The Fishers even came to watch me! They brought the rest of the foster kids and they cheered me on. Josh and Jenna brought Tony; he was so happy to see me. He didn't even know that I had just won the spelling bee, he was just excited that I was there. Steven and his parents were there. His mother is about five months pregnant, and barely showing. I'm surprised...when Jenna was five months pregnant, she was much larger than that. But anyways, they were really proud of me, too. I can't wait to tell Mom...I haven't visited her in awhile.

**March 25, 1985**

Mom was really proud of me too. I went to visit her yesterday. She still looks sullen and malnourished, but her eyes still have that twinkle in them when she smiles. My brother tells me I got that from her, but I don't believe it. I hate my smile...I have a huge gap between my two front teeth and I hate it.

**March 27, 1985**

I can get my cast of next week! Yay! I've had it for almost six weeks now, and I'm glad to be rid of it. I miss showering normally, and I want to participate in gym again.

**March 30, 1985**

I got my summer reading list for next year's Honors English class. I have to read five books by the start of next year. _The Great Gatsby_ by F. Scott Fitzgerald, _Animal Farm_ by George Orwell, _The Call of the Wild_ by Jack London, _The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn_ by Mark Twain, and _To Kill a Mockingbird_ by Harper Lee are the books. I've heard of some of them and even have read _The Call of the Wild_ before, so this should be a breeze.

**April 2, 1985**

Steven just told me his mother's due date is July 7th. They don't know the sex of the baby yet, but are dying to find out. Steven is super excited. Although he's a bit shocked his mother is pregnant, he's happy to get a little brother or sister.

**April 5, 1985**

I got my stupid cast off today! Woo-hoo. My arm is stiff, as I knew it would be, and it is very weak. The government is helping to pay for my physical therapy since I'm a ward of the state. I start therapy tomorrow.

**April 6, 1985**

Therapy sucks. My arm kills. They had me grabbing on to semi-heavy objects, such as a coffee mug filled with stones. I thought it would be a piece of cake...boy, was I wrong. Much to my surprise, just gripping it hurt. My muscles weren't used to grabbing stuff, especially with my newly-constructed arm bone. I then had to start flexing it and moving it. It freaking hurt! Note to self: get wrapped in protective foam from now on to avoid any more injuries.

**April 8, 1985**

I just received some bad news...I'm going to be located to a different foster home. This is getting really irritating! I loved the Fisher's house and I really enjoyed it here. I'm going to be moving to a new home next week sometime. This sucks!

**April 10, 1985**

I only have a few pages left in you, dear diary. I'm afraid there may only be one or two more entries. I've been saving up my money to buy a new diary, and I found one that I liked.

**April 12, 1985**

My friend, Nikki, had a sleepover party last night. The Fishers let me attend because they want me to feel normal and because it would be the last time I may get to spend a lot of time with my friends...I'm not exactly sure how strict my new foster parents will be. So, I went to her house, and, of course, we got around to drinking. Somebody even brought some cigarettes and I tried some of those. But I drank until I could barely remember my own name. I tried everything...there was Scotch, wine, tequila, vodka, and of course, your average beer. I think I sampled everything (some portions of the evening are a little fuzzy) and it was pretty good. I only stopped when the alcohol ran dry. I smoked some cigarettes...at first, I choked on the smoke, but by my fourth or fifth cigarette, I was getting pretty good. At the moment, I have a splitting headache and the smallest noises hurt. I just want to curl up in a hole and die.

**April 14, 1985**

Tonight is my last night with the Fishers...I still have no idea where I'm going after this. My social worker hasn't told me...nobody tells me anything anymore. Mrs. Fisher made me a nice meal for dinner and she made a cake for me. She and her husband were sad to see me leave; but they gave me their phone number so I could keep in touch.

**April 15, 1985**

I moved in with a young couple...Charlie and Donna Finnegan. Apparently they are unable to conceive a child for themselves, so they want to adopt a baby. But first, to see if parenthood would suit them, they're starting out by fostering children. At the moment, it's just me and a two year old girl by the name of Chloe. I pretty much stay out of their way because they talk to me exactly how they talk to Chloe. I'm not two anymore...I'm thirteen, and apparently they can't differentiate.

--

Grissom closed the book; that was the last entry of that diary. But Grissom knew there were two others, so more must have happened for her to continue writing.

Sara's handwriting as a child was very large; it was very wide, not tall. She wrote some things in cursive and others in print. It was all barely legible, but Grissom enjoyed it...since the time she was eleven until now, her handwriting changed very little. He smirked at her, disapproving of the experiments with cigarettes and alcohol. Sara smiled sheepishly at him before snuggling up to him. She closed her eyes and sighed, "Now you see where it all started."

She looked exhausted. Deep purple bags lay under her eyes and her skin looked sunken into her face. Grissom ran his fingers through her hair and she sighed in contempt. Grissom lay down beside her and she snuggled up against him. He watched as she slept peacefully...

...But when he awoke several hours later, he was alone. He heard a noise coming from the bathroom. Sara was throwing up again. Concerned, he got out of bed and hurried to the bathroom. The bitter, acidic aroma of vomit reached his nostrils as soon as he opened the door. He saw his wife kneeling on the floor by the toilet. She looked even more exhausted than when she had fallen asleep. Her eyes were closed. Her elbow was resting on the rim of the porcelain bowl and she had her hair clumped in her fists to keep it away from the mess.

"Sweetheart," he breathed out, dropping to her side, "I think you need to go see the doctor."

Sara shook her head. She forced her eyes open and thumbed behind her back to a little box. Grissom picked it up and examined it. It was a home pregnancy test. Grissom was a little shocked as he asked, "Have you...?"

Sara shook her head.

"It's not even open," she told him, gesturing with her head to the box. "But it is now."

She removed it from his hands, tore it open, and stood up. She ushered him from the room, much to his chagrin. She then looked at the instructions on the back of the box.

"Okay, pee on the stick for ten seconds," she paraphrased. "Ten seconds? Who can pee for ten seconds? Okay, blah, blah, blah, after urinating on the test stick, wait for five minutes. If it has a plus sign it mean you're pregnant, minus sign means you're not...well, duh!"

After mumbling the instructions to herself, she then completed them. She peed on the stick, as per her paraphrased instructions, and set the kit on top of the box in which she removed it. Deciding her husband would probably want to take part in this, no matter what happened, Sara opened the bathroom door. She saw her husband pacing back and forth in front of the door.

"Did you get the results yet?" he asked anxiously.

Sara shook her head. She sat down on the edge of the bed and motioned for Grissom to join her. He did and wrapped his arms around her. She leaned against him, exhausted. He rocked her gently as the seconds ticked by. Five minutes seemed like five hours to the anxious couple. But it finally arrived and Sara got up. She walked into the bathroom and picked up the pregnancy test.

"Sara, no matter what it says, you know I love you," said Grissom. "I'll always love you...and I'll stick by you through everything, no matter what happens."

Sara smiled and moved into Grissom's arms. Her back was pressed up against his stomach and his arms were wrapped loosely around her waist. His jaw was lying on her shoulder as he peered at the test. Her thumb was covering the results window. He took in a deep breath, inhaling the scent of her hair. Sara gave his hand a reassuring squeeze as she slipped her thumb off of the window...

**

* * *

**

**A/N 2:** I couldn't resist the cliffhanger! Hope you enjoyed this chapter...I'm hoping to update regularly again, but we all know what happened the last time I said that - it took me months to update. So, let's cross our fingers that my muse decides to stay.


	18. Chapter 17

**Dear Diary:**

Chapter 17

**Disclaimer:** I do not own CSI, nor do I own the characters that I use...three of which aren't even in the show anymore.

**Spoilers:** Anything aired in the US is fair game.

**Summary:** Whilst cleaning, Sara and Grissom stumble upon Sara's old diary. Her past then becomes an open book. GSR

**A/N: **This was betaed by me, myself, and I. Enjoy!

* * *

"Sara, no matter what it says, you know I love you," said Grissom. "I'll always love you...and I'll stick by you through everything, no matter what happens."

Sara smiled and moved into Grissom's arms. Her back was pressed up against his stomach and his arms were wrapped loosely around her waist. His jaw was lying on her shoulder as he peered at the test. Her thumb was covering the results window. He took in a deep breath, inhaling the scent of her hair. Sara gave his hand a reassuring squeeze as she slipped her thumb off of the window. Grissom leaned in closer to get a closer look at the tiny results window. However small it was, it was still there. A tiny pink plus sign clashed against the snowy-white background of the test. Grissom stared at it in shock before the widest smile crossed over his lips.

"We're pregnant!" he breathed into her ear, his excitement rising.

However he became nervous when Sara remained stationary. She hadn't moved since she slid her thumb away from the pink cross and was pale. Grissom squeezed her hand anxiously.

"Honey?"

"I don't believe it," she gasped. "We're pregnant! We're going to have a baby!"

Grissom let out the breath he hadn't even realized he'd been holding. Sara squealed with delight and jumped into her husband's awaiting arms. She held onto him tightly, as if she would drown if she let go. She grinned at him as he crushed her to him. The couple just stood like that for a few moments, not wanting the moment to ever end.

"I should probably schedule a doctor's appointment," Sara murmured after awhile.

Grissom nodded in agreement and then suggested breakfast.

"Uhm, I actually don't think I could keep anything down," Sara admitted sheepishly. "Could we just lie down together for a little while? Maybe you could read to me from my diary some more. I like hearing your voice."

Grissom nodded and kept his wife safely in his arms as they walked back to their bedroom. Sara curled up under the blankets and nestled against her husband's side. Grissom took the diary Sara handed to him. It was Sara's second diary, and it was about the same thickness as her first. He opened up to the first page and began to read.

**April 17, 1985**

Yay, the start of a new diary. The first entry is going to be pretty boring because nothing really happened. I'm still being treated like Chloe, even though there's an eleven-year age difference. Mr. and Mrs. Finnegan are both really nice, though. They let me have a lot of freedoms. However, they do require that I help with the chores. I wash the dishes after dinner every evening, I have to vacuum and rid the house of dust ever Saturday, and I have to clean out the bathrooms every Saturday as well. But I don't mind...the sooner I get my chores done, the sooner I can be free to do whatever I want to. And sometimes the Finnegans will help out so I don't have to do it all by myself.

**April 19, 1985**

I'm still going to physical therapy to re-strengthen my arm. I've gotten a whole lot better, but it's still not functioning as well as I'd like. Oh well, I guess that will come with time.

**April 21, 1985**

Only seven more weeks of school left! Even though I've enjoyed my eighth grade year, I'm anxious for it to be over. I love school, but 180 days can be a hassle.

**April 25, 1985**

I'm so tired. I spent the night with my friend Erika and we stayed up all night talking, playing games, prank calling people, and whatever else we could think of. I've gotten no sleep in the past 48 hours, and I am beat. I want to sleep, but little Chloe has an ear infection and is extremely fussy, so there goes my wish of sleep. Tomorrow will be interesting...I've got tests in English, Math, History, and Science.

**April 26, 1985**

Well, I think I failed all of my tests...and we had a pop quiz in Spanish! I was so tired I could barely think straight. I can barely remember what happened throughout the day. I slept through lunch and during gym the teacher practically ordered me to go to the nurse and lie down. I am taking some cold medicine in order to get a solid night's sleep...I wouldn't normally do that, but I'm desperate.

**April 27, 1985**

Wow, those pills did the job...I slept like a rock! Mr. and Mrs. Finnegan look really exhausted...serves them right. They chose to foster us!

**April 30, 1985**

I spent the afternoon with Steven at the park with Tony. Tony adores me and Steven and it's nice for Josh and Jenna to have some alone time. They must really trust me if they are letting a thirteen year old handle an 18 month old baby. He's getting new words into his vocabulary...his favorites being _shit_ and _fuck_. Steven and I think it's hilarious, but Josh and Jenna don't. He doesn't get that language from me - I try to watch my potty mouth around Tony - so he must pick it up from his parents.

**May 2, 1985**

I was in a fight today after school with a group of seniors. Four senior guys thought it would be funny to pick on a mentally challenged fifteen year old. Steven and I were walking to the library after school - thankfully the Finnegans gave me the afternoon off - and we saw them picking on the kid...Dylan, his name was. They were taunting him with questions too complex for his mind to comprehend. I told them to knock it off, but they just sneered and continued their bullying.

I told Steven to get the nearest teacher while I attempted to break it up again. The four guys then began to physically hurt Dylan. I couldn't just stand there and watch...Dylan looked so hurt and confused. I tried to shove them away...but a thirteen year old girl isn't really a match for a group of eighteen year old boys. I was, in turn, shoved away. They began to beat up Dylan and I began to throw punches as well. Consequently, I got hit in the mouth and across my torso repeatedly. My lip is extremely swollen and split damn near in two...the damn guy had a ring on!

Steven finally arrived with the High School gym teacher and the High School principal. Both were tall, muscular men and the boys stopped immediately. The boys have detention for the rest of the school year after school and can't play in the rest of their spring sports. Dylan was scared as hell, but I think he'll be fine. I weaseled my way out to detention, but just barely. Dylan, surprisingly, told them that I saved his life...he usually never talks. The principal let me go with a warning that throwing punches around is frowned upon.

**May 5, 1985**

My lip is now extremely bruised, swollen, and I have stitches in it to hold it together. It hurts like hell, too. Josh and Jenna were proud of me for what I had done, and so was my mother. Even though my mouth is a deep shade of blue, black, and purple that extends from the middle of my lips to the middle of my cheek and jaw, I don't really care. If I had to do it all over again - and I hope I never have to - I wouldn't change a single thing I'd done.

**May 7, 1985**

Woo-hoo, one more month of school left! I'm so excited.

**May 12, 1985**

My lip is _still_ bruised! It's been over a week! The only change is that the color is changing from a deep blue and purple to a lighter variation of those colors. It's still huge and my split lip is healing rather nicely.

**May 15, 1985**

The Finnegans are really getting on my nerves...I wanted to hang out with my brother and his family this afternoon, but they told me they were going out to celebrate their fifth anniversary! They're leaving me alone to watch Chloe while they go out and have a nice dinner! I don't even think they're allowed to do that! But little Chloe is adorable. I wanted to spend time with Tony, but this is the next best thing, I guess. The Finnegans gave me ten dollars for watching Chloe, so I guess I'd better stop complaining.

--

A silent snore alerted Grissom to his wife's sleeping form. Her chest rose and fell gently with each breath she took. Grissom shut the book and set it down on the nightstand beside him. He clicked off the lamp and curled up beside her. She nestled herself deeper into his arms as she remained sleeping. A smile curved his lips upward and he rested his hand gently on her abdomen as he fell asleep along with her.

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**A/N 2: **Sorry for the delay, and I know it's a very short chapter. School has let out for the summer, so I'll be able to update regularly. Review to let me know what you thought.


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